[Public service annoucement: I don't really think it matters if I post or write something at 4 AM or when I've been awake for 4 hours, it will still turn out more complicated then I started. @_@ I'm confusing myself)
Hm....this Journal....no I'd rather say Diary.... no matter how many times I tell myself I haven't seen it before.it is familiar..it seems X-girl...
X-girl...we call her that because in my home X means hell, and that girl..Esune, That cursed gemstone. while I was an actress everyone kept talking about the legend of how a foolish warrior turned tail when his beloved village was attacked by enemy nin, and...how idiotic of him, to change the stone. the hellstone. Esune and turn it into a child....at least the Isuwara's knew how to control it,
and yet now I have to carry the burden of her soul! since it couldn't be forcefully removed from the body in the process of my sealing Jutsu...I use it so rarely that this is pathetic!
now I'm stuck with a thirteen year old concience. oh what a lady luck am I? but...I like where I am now...it seemed that my pressense angered some of them...
I guess this is where I say a little bit of me, I am a part of the Isuwara clan aswell....but I was removed for going a teensy bit Cra-zay! but...I still think as Paul and Hiro as family, if they were nice enough to let me into their nice little group thing.
so on with the show,
I'm Nemu.....single...*grumbles* I was in the academy when I was 7, graduated when I was 8, became a Chuunin by 10, and a Jounin by 15, and then I got my three genin team....
i was so happy....they were so cute... but then.......the ropes.....hands...around their necks...blood...
.....I don't want to talk about this anymore...stupid diary...all this girl ever talked about was that Kinuta man.....was he really that important to her?
and I also Apologize to you Christian, i'm sorry we couldn't finish the snow RP, there are times, when opertunities hit you in the face and you can't say no.
Okay, first I want to say. I apologize. I didn't know turning evil would piss so many people off.
Look no matter how much I love that Esune is a way too modest EMO angst muffin too, but sometimes you need a change. and I had a 4 AM in the gut. need for change,
so I came up with this half brained scheme. because I wanted to hang out with my friends. not wait forever for something that wasn't going to happen. Like me becoming a Jounin so I could kick Genin's asses and yell at them and tell them to do stupid things like catch me or jump over a fucking wall using nothing but their BUTT CHEEKS. >_<
okay....now a little explination on what happend....which will be eighty pages.
Two years before Esune became a Genin, Paul and Hiro went out to a mission for ANBU, finding a Jounin/actress had murdered many a people. instead of killing her, they were going to make her work for them in two years time,
now two years later. before their defect, they went to go get Nemu. and she was waiting patiently, being nicknamed Lady luck. since she avoided most hunter-nins. and played tricks to get by. when they showed and made Esune and Nemu meet, Paul, in turn took the gem from Esune's forehead, sealed Nemu into it, with promise that she could have Esune's body,
so when they defected, feeling angered that they took the gem, Okami and Celenta aswell, but leaving Nemu behind, she slowly infected Esune's body until it took change to her original form,
to answer, NO ESUNE IS NOT FUCKING GONE >_<
for once I want someone else to make up how Esune comes back, but not for a while. I'd like to scare people and and do cool evil stuff before that happens. m'kay?
so yeah....Nemu's basicaly one of those women who likes to use herself against men, like girls at rulette tables. quite western,
another reason I chose to turn to Nemu, was because she is a joker. like olden times jester etc etc, like me in RL. I like to say clasical jokes and such with big words. and Also the fact that Nemu is 19 can be better for the ROMANCING,as well as non-baby making. >_>
Jesus christ more people need to read this. @_@
ALRIGHTY THEN. as soon as I can i am freaking taking a break because I have been working non stop on how to make people not pissed off at me!
When Will I part...from this shell. back to my own skin?
Paul-sama....has called, called out my soul, is it time to stop playing the actress.... have I proved with malice worthy? by breaking that Kinuta brat's arms? by sneaking into those teacher's hearts...? Kjinnay... Shikasama.... Koichi..... Kenkora..... Haruko....
they all trust me.... they all care... no...they trust HER....not me.. yet when I shed this shell...
staring at the blinding cold... Paul Isuwara. having brought me out of my slumber within that damned stone, sealed me inside this girl's body....but not without paying me with tortureing it,
he knows how I work....
and I will be whole again....
me.....Nemu...the FAMOUS....sound actress....
play your little roles...they will lead to the grand fanale...with lord Isuwara...
before I go...I will make sure to break Kenkora's arms once more...to make him feel pain unmentionable to the heart....
( Yeah so....uhhmmm...SORRY! @_@ Akatsuki had a better fucking dental plan. So If I can talk to Nekome, because...I don't know I just like the idea of Esune being older. and more....SEX-ABLE. >_>; so if I can explain to her that Nemu Ikabi, who is the hidden spy, snuck in and pretended to be Esune before Hiro and Paul's defection pretending to be her like the grand actress she is, cause I don't know how long this sim is going to hold out, and I want to have my jiffy spiffy peanutbutter fun while I can! X_X)
I am lucky...today me and My brother Yoshiyuki....he took me shopping, and bought me what he told me was a minature dragon, they are very smart...he is writing this for me,
since I am now blinded by darkness...
I am afraid to take my eye bandages off...
for the past nights...I have tossed and toiled in sleep, and woke up drenched in sweat, my heart....my mind...hurting so badly...
why?
because every night is the same....the same nightmare...Paul and Hiro's betrayl...and Paul taking everything from my body that was important to me.... and that malicious grin....
every time I awoke...I felt emptier inside...like something...my own soul. was slipping away from me...I was...standing alone...on my thoughts...when I felt like I was being ripped from my body, before I knew it...I was standing next to...
Paul....and Shikasama stood between us...I couldn't speak...I couldn't move..I couldn't even think...I felt...so empty...I could look at Paul...he only smiled...and whispered to me "I hope...you still think of me...as your kind brother..who knows what could have happend if I left you with Hiro..."
I couldn't...believe what he said....if I was left with Hiro...what would have happend?
Paul abused my body...and beat me up...would have...Hiro done worse then that!?
Shikasama took me from him after Paul counted down, Koichi found me after I leapt over the wall, and Shikasama went back to Paul, wondering why I was blind....I couldn't tell him I tried to face the demon....and blinded myself with darkness...he left....so angry...
and again...I was slewn transported as if...standing behind my two brothers...was I some kind of bargining chip!?
I cried out in pain holding my chest..they...of course due to the bloodline...had complete control of me...I cried, through the bandages...Kjinnay-san took me from there....I held back my tears even though they soaked through the bandages....
Paul taunted Kjinnay for quite a while, until he carried me to his house, I showed him the mask....and then Shikasama came in...apologizing for not protecting me...and then he told me that he couldn't live in this village anymore...
There was nothing else he could have said that could have made me feel as guilty and drowned in sorrow as his words did,
If Kjinnay-san wasn't in the same room....after Shikasama left, I would have stabbed myself over and over with my Kunai...until I died...as an apology...to those I have hurt....if I wasn't here...Paul...and Hiro...Shikasama...I wouldn't be a burden anymore...
I just...want to leave this life... this pain is unbarable... I want to be by my brothers....and yet...all they would do is use me as a puppet.. I want to be near Koichi-san....yet I have to keep distance...I...unless I was stronger...and could be less cowardice...I doubt I would be any use to him....
I will keep my promises...until I can be awarded with death.....
Talking with that Sakura girl for as much as I could stand.... I learnt that she formed a "bond" with Paul, my brother, a "pact" if you will, that if she was his spy, he would let go of his hold on me,
but in that I see she is a idiot for believing such words, and I told her I would not listen to her until she stopped her stupid quary, Truth is before Paul turned he stole my Journal and made me Kiss her,
and she actualy thought I had feelings for her, what a lovesick dog,
getting onto the part of why she is stupid...I have dug into the Isuwara family history...even though I am not a part of their inept family...it seems Paul forced me to drink blood from a wound on his hand, and somehow since our bond was strong enough..even on the rickety edge of distruction...I have their family Bloodline, which is if you have to a soul hardening amount of training...you can control your other family members, just by the thoughts in your mind, with no puppets and no chakra strings,
so far...in the Isuwara family Paul and Hiro were the only ones who have actualy suceeded in doing such a thing, no one else has even came close.
So....I am doing what Koichi-sama told me to.... In late nights when the hospital is empty...I confront whatever is inside of me...controling me...
I want to control it.
even if it hurts me inside so much...I do not want to trouble him with this burden... I know this monster scratched words into my Journal, Today maybe...I will take my bandages off...and see what happend to my forehead...the headaches are getting worse...
(Another Music video that made me think of Esune and Koichi, Even if some people think Zabuza is creepy and ugly I like him. he's Hot. >_>; and even though Esune is not a male I can see she compliments next to Haku for the distraught childhood, and the student teacher bond again. CIRCLES!...okay i'm done...*drools staring at Zabuza*)
Broken wings....she will fly on them.... the angel that...was disgused as death... the people she loves.....cut to ribbons.... the people she hates....tormented the worst... A broken life....no longer worth living.... "Training...." in the "Hospital".... to conceal what she can not bare...
only living....on false memories.... for the day....
( NOW THIS, I swear on this, is the TRUE. video that describes how Esune and Koichi are, well....maybe...I don't completely know, but I know its set right, Orochimaru the sexy Bishie, and Anko the Fishnet wearing tomboyish scared Uke child. it just fits! don't ask me how. O_o)
as of recent...my brothers...have abandoned me...the two who have cared for me.... they are now missing nin....I cannot believe it...Paul and Hiro...
Paul left first....no one....even told me...the day I was on guard duty with kenkora...
I saw a gilmse of him in black robes with red clouds...it was Kenkora who told me that Paul had defected...I...it was like I could not breathe....the pain was unbarable...like...as if someone had jabbed a Kunai into my throat..
I hid by the hospital...
that's when he came....Paul...I couldn't believe it...was really him...black robed...and a sun hat...he was really...I trembled under his stature....until Kuroken and Shikasama came for me, I was hurried to the hermit's hut...and then to the Keikage's office. he persued me anywhere...
but...when we were inside...Hiro came, and escorted me outside...only to the hermit's house..where Paul was waiting....he abused my body...Hiro held me down and punched me unconcious. when I awoke...I was in the hospital. Shikasama, and Kuroken in worsening conditions. my forehead...hurt like never before...
what...what happend in the hermit's house...I don't even beieve I can write in this journal...or tell anyone...I...can only say...there is nothing...that will ever gain my trust...again...
Today....I was so upset...so weak in my head...I attacked Kenkora...and pulled his arms until they dislocated...I was so angry....because he broke a mask that Paul had given me before Shikasama had interupted,
I will wait at the gate....every day...for them to return...until I can't stand anymore..until I die...they....mean the world to me...even if they hurt me to the point where I could not move, or stand,
I still feel unbarable pain from my forehead but wear a forefront...I can't hear any voices...not Okami's...not that feminin voice...I'm afraid to take the bandage off...Sakura keeps interupting when me and Koichi have a chance to talk....this is getting annoying.
(Seriously, this is getting to the point. where I told her literaly to fuck off OOC, now where I came from, it got to the point where if you try to defend against something in RP you get told off, I told Kairi to stop the god-modding shit, using level 50 moves when she's only a genin. I of course apologized, keeping in good heart towards....keep your friends close and your enemies closer.)
I haven't had much time to talk to Koichi-san about this.... I will keep my promise...
I have felt funny for the past few days..since the attack, my mind...seems to go for the most part...I haven't been able to concintrate on even the littlest things...maybe it's the pain...my forehead..my body...constantly aches in pain...I keep a ground front face even through the pain...
What Paul did to my body...my mind...I would....I would have never forgiven him....and yet..I want them to come back...
what will I do...go with them..so I can die trying to revenge my body!? or stay.....and wait for my revenge....
Koichi sama...do I have to leave you...to save my dreams?
I had to go on a mission....could call it mission IMPOSSIBLE.... me and my two team mates had to catch Haruko! our Jounin leader, she was so fast. Kenkora colapsed from Chakra use ups just trying to catch her.
unfortunately I believe I was the weakest link...I hate teams...I was upset from Kenkora...he...he so deliberately used me...and stole the first kiss I ever gave anyone!
And I thought...AUGH...
I was standing on the bridge...and that annoying Sakura girl, and Kenkora came up, of course I acted like nothing was in the wrong, until I felt something odd...I swear....from that god damn Sakura girl...I had gotten the hugest headache... ( In RL too, the fucking god-moder. >_>)
I ran to the hospital....my head hurt so much...I felt like I was going to throw up, or die...from the pain in my mind I passed out on the floor...when I awoke to find Kenkora carried me onto the bed,
and Koichi was there, when I tried to stand up he picked me up and put me back down, I had talkd to Koichi in private near the woodlands outside of the village, of course his sister and that BAKA sakura girl followed us, of course he dismissed them angrily,
he has a task for me....I wonder what could it be?
I had left to train, I thought about going towards the hot springs to ease my mind, but before I entered the archway I saw Koichi taking off his shirt and...after that everything was a blur, I made a mad dash for the other side of the fields....I felt such embarassment...(Esune's a modest, innocent embarassed moron sometimes too. o=o)
I also saw sight of Kikyou, his sister...it isn't abnormal for this to happen, brother and sister taking a bath, of course I made my brothers stop taking baths with me when I was eight...because I didn't know any better.
not that I haven't seen Koichi's chest!....just....what follows after, I'm not talking about this anymore!
i'm too...immature anyways...AIYAAA stop writing about this!
N...Nothing left to write about anyways....J-Just....AUGH! curse Koichi and his ways....[insert Esune dying of her idiocy and modesty here. >_> J/k]
Moonlight promisions, I hurt you, you hurt me, one big happy family?
I had ran from Kojiro and Sakura....they think i'm someone that isn't me!? what is going on around here!?
Kojiro then confronted me himself about this, I told him that I did not know, and no one gave me time to explain. but....as soon as I did chakra started flowing around him, he told me the chakra was burning his eyes,
I was so afraid...I didn't know what to do....he left before I could grab him and try to comfort him...
I followed him to a cave outside the woods...the moon had came out already...he didn't look the same...his hair had turned pure white. I was afraid....as he closed the gap between us with a hug, he told me we are the same...he told me something I didn't know....that I was not created any normal way...I was created...with malice...and greed...and that is what hurt him...and changed him....releasing his bloodline limit....
which leaves the question...Am I real? people can touch me....but they can touch inatimate objects too...
I can't think like this now...I'll wait..until Koichi-sama's dreams come true... then I can confront myself with this...I promised him his dreams would come true, using me, but after that...I will leave him to find truth in these lies.
it may mean going to my grave to know the truth....but I will find it... Even if I find out to be nothing more then a dream...I will help Koichi-sama and Kojiro...first...then....I will figure out where to go next...
(I was an idiot not to see Final fantasy X male that reminded me of the relationship between Koichi and Esune. Seymour Guado, especialy with the game case staring me in the face. >_>;)
(And this one is for cheap giggles. the kiss scene. o_o)
Since, Paintshop pro, can go suck Hiro. >_>; Figure of speech.
I will not be making any paintings like I originaly thought I was going to. instead I will be working on some ANBU masks, not saying Esune is going to wear any ANBU masks unless she does indeed turn into ANBU one day. but Frostie will, so...reh. yeah...I'll have more time to sleep and get my brain back the next few days because I've stopped watching my neighbour's dogs since they got back from their trip to regina....yeah. so sleep = better RP posts....and stuff maybe.
Kenkora....after Koichi had found me, and you followed, These days I am finding it hard to keep my pact that everything I am...belongs to Koichi....I want to find out who I am...even if it destroys my body in the process...
Talking to Okami takes stress on my organs...but I will live with it, as long as my body looks fine on the outside..what is the difference? I can do as good as the other Genins....I can do better...
I tried to talk to Okami today...it didn't work out well....he didn't tell me anything about Celenta Kinuta...or the stone....and I had to slice into my arm to stop the conversation before he could take over my body again...it seems he has learned to mimic my voice....will Koichi-san be able to tell the difference if so?
Kenkora-kun...when I look at you, I don't feel like a monster, when I was so close to you last night I just wanted to be held by you... when I kissed you I wish I didn't run away....
I ran away...because I want you to live... Kenkora-kun.....I find this hard to say....but...I love you....
how stupid...I can write it on paper but not say it to his eyes... I just....want to be close to Kenkora-kun....feel his heartbeat... but for now...I will have to shove my feelings aside....even though Koichi said not to become a cold unfeeling shell around him...I trust Koichi-san,
but since my childhood i've noticed visitors have been giving me odd glances, as Koichi-san tells me to ignore what other people think...i find it hard, Living with ANBU for most of my life...i've been forced to grow up....to act older..
it has put so much stress on my mind...I do not know how to act my age anymore....only to act like someone much older....that is why I spend my time in solitude...because my mind, no matter how strong...is deterierating until there is nothing left....I know a great deal of medical history from Reading Paul's books...
maybe....it's this gem...on my forehead....it hurts so much...it's getting to be unbarable...I want this life to be over! but...no one will let me...everyone will stop me...
don't they realize....I could kill their precious villagers... I have forgone sleep to protect this village.... Okami is too bloodthirsty...and yet his eyes set on the Kinuta clan...
I doubt the Kinuta clan is as evil as he thought they were long ago... I feel weak today....I've been stumbling in the same alley for six minutes now....what is this overwhelming drain of my mental power?
I have been listening to some Jounins....and my brothers...as well as the Keikage in passing...it seems since there are always odd occurances in the village, even more often a fight or enemy inside the village,
The Keikage said if our defence isn't good enough then there is a possibility we will all split up in groups and go our seprate way leaving the Grass village...(Anyone who reads this, the deeper meaning is: The Simulator closing. if it does i'm going to bump Esune up in age,)
If we do have to abandon the grass village...that will be a goodbye to all...Kenkora....Koichi..I will go to train...harder...and then find them again...I will be older, of more sound mind. I've already planned where to go if we all disband...I will go to the snow country, and see if I can seek training there. (AKA: Make a village in the sandbox XD)
I know it was kind of peer pressure...but..if I see Kenkora again....and am able to get closer to him...I'm not going to run away...I will tell him how I feel about him...just...so I can lay my head on his chest and feel....real....
and to this....I swear....that no one will stop me....I will live my own life...
(Another AMV from Elfen lied, might have possible nakeds and boobs, and lots of gore, not al gore. I keep thinking of that Pink haired girl as Esune's personality, and I keep thinking of the black haired kid as Kenkora. XD)
[Time for a better G-dayum description about Okami]
(I felt this is the perfect song that describes how Esune feels about hurting people due to Okami's being inside of her,)
Alright, it's 2 AM, this is a OOC post about Okami.
Okami, I since I do not Know Kojiro's dad's name, or what Elikc decided it to be, I just call his father by his last name Okami, which really screws things up, lets say I have a habbit of turning my own stories into turn tables
Okami, a treasure hunter with lust and greed in his eyes, but those fell from him as he Met Celenta Kinuta, instant love fell in the years that he came to the village to trade stolen goods for money.
when he finally thought of proposing to her, the clan showed it's disgust for him, throwing him out of the village, he promised that he would retutrn with the legendary stone of wishes. and turn it to a ring and propose.
upon finding his love dead, and a harmed child, he took the child from his morbidly dead lover and fled to the grass village, upon leaving it, he went to another village with the gem, wishing as hard as he could to bring her back,
a rogue Kinuta angered by his clan's descruction, hunted down Okami, using a forbiddon Jutsu locked him inside the stone...although before he could place the stone where it could not be harmed....it had turned into a little girl.
this girl was Esune,
the Kinuta left the baby in the grass village,
and most old women think it is Celenta's reincarnation, although in reality Celenta's hair was much longer, while Esune keeps her hair short.
What I would like to see happen is a time skip, but I doubt the sim will keep alive long enough for a time skip,
so maybe in the possible future, I will make a Celenta avatar, Although in the story there is a plot twist, even though Celenta held Kinuta blood, she was disbanded from the clan as soon as that child left her body, because it was not to the old Kinuta rules. (Christian don't kill me please! I feel the ugly urge to describe all of this. X_X)
and so driven by rage of his lost love, and child, Kojiro Okami, he will control Esune whenever he feels like it,
IF ANYONE READS THIS READ THIS:
The reason Okami will state that he cannot be killed, this is not because I am a pathetic RPer, if Okami ever leaves Esune's body, Her body will basicaly colapse, because of the Following: ORGANS, will melt. BONES: will turn to dust. BRAIN: will flat out die, due to the fact her nerve centors are connected to the gem. So, what have we learned class? Esune's soul is: FORGED Esune's body is: FORGED Christian's internet: FORG- Sucks ass!
Alright then. so in the End Esune is like the fudel version of a artificial inteligence.
Because she was made, USING, the Gem, like a homonculus. like the freakin Phelosaphers. (Spelt this wrong ~_~ freaken...A)
And along with her Chakra, brain, and blood vessles are concerned, this is a living breathing part of her, the Golden gem,
the part of her gem which she punked with a sword, was to her right eye, which caused it emense pain to explode her eye, leaving her with a Byakugan eye now,
devoid of color and meaning,
Now, I do not mean to be all powerful about this and boast, it's just I'm sick and tired of people going around saying that "OH! I ARE LEVEL ONE AND CAN TAKE A LEVEL 70 MONSTER OUT BY MYSELF....omg....omfg...AGRO! TEH GNOMES AGROED TO ME! Zoning.....Hello....Hello!?"
Either way....without the crazy possesive stone I would think Esune's story would get a little stale, because Esune is a very anti-social, quite self-hatrid little girl who thinks she is a monster after finding out her life is a fake, being with Koichi has sided her personality, and eventualy she seems to be nicer to her fellow nin, and a hell of alot closer to Kenkora, say an inch away from his face? XD
Alright it's 6 AM, any questions I forgot to answer, Instant message Frostie Flora in world and tell me, I'll apologize for my broken brain, since Joining this place, no matter how fun it is, I have lost 98 hours of sleep. XD so that leaves me with only maybe 3 Hours of sleep per day.
CAN WE SAY BRAINDEAD!?
alrighty.
Night, morning...thing...maybe...
Fine! i'm not freaking tired. here's another AMV, this is from another series that I got the idea of how Esune is very Cold towards others, this anime series is called Elfen Lied, it was only a few episodes long but I found this very inspirational towards Esune's true personality,
which means all of Esune's angst, Homicidal nature, Suicidal nature, and bloody gore nature comes from this series, Because it is surounded around a girl named Lucy, and a boy named Kouta.
which reminds me of the relationship with Kenkora and Esune. she is very cold to the start with him, not understanding why he has chosen to talk to her, and gives him the cold shoulder alot, until she warms up to him after spending much time with Koichi, after failing Koichi in controling the spirit inside of her she turned to Kenkora with her woes and that in turn brought him closer to her heart.
Now a little bit about whats her face, Celenta Kinuta. (Once again Sorry Christian, ~_~;)
Being that she is like 100% made up from the back of my head when I was RPing with Kiba and Elikc, I just thought "What would happen.....if we were all like...connected?" all hippy dazed confused,
So basicaly it's all confused, but here is a simple little design flaw. plan. thing
Celenta-Esune bond: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Esune and Celenta are connected, because unknown to Okami (Kojiro AKA Elikc's father) he was carrying a peice of Celenta's hair before he had cried out for her to be back to him, that and he was covered with her blood,
but unfortunately as pizza says it takes a while for it to kick in, so a pissed off Kinuta member had time to seal him in the stone, and then it turned into a baby girl.
So, in Theroy, Esune is a embodied mesch of Celenta. and I am going to paint a friggin painting....scroll. thing, of Celenta, just because I can.
Okay, so bottom line: Esune-Fakey Celenta reincarnation
At first Esune think's that him and Kenkora are just two boys angrily fighting against each other, although when Kojiro shows his true strength that is when Okami shoes his true colors, by wracking Esune's body in pain, and calling out for him.
Kenkora, When Esune met Kenkora she thought he was a lazy arogant Naruto-ish bastard, though with his confused charm and "what?"'s he seems to have a hold on the heart of our fair maiden.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ Koichi-Kinuta ~~~~~~~~~~
When Esune first actualy talked to Koichi, since all she had done was watch him in amazement and hid to watch him train when she was younger,
when he talked to her she was nervious and confused by his actions, but as she grew to know him more she somewhat developed one of those oldschool teacher/student crush and fell instantly to anything he had to say,
and yet it was a crucial blow for every time she tried to train and control the warrior within her for whenever she did it seemed like on the other end of the winding tunnel Koichi was there to tell her that she shouldn't have done such a thing,
eventualy Esune grew to like Koichi so much she fell to the pressure, and gave her heart, mind, body, soul, and loyalty to him, and now she questions the very fact of why she did.
Okami's view on Koichi:
Okami doesn't like Koichi very much and can see through blind viels. he see's that Esune is just a pawn and yet will never listen to him because of her great heart towards Koichi, Okami, being quite perverted himself will most likely throw Koichi off board if he ever is caught using Esune by making mockeries asking him how he feels towards her, and how cute she is, especialy will be sarcastic and ask why the hell he didn't knock for all they knew she could have been naked in the hot springs,
we can just line this down as Okami doesn't like Koichi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alright that's all the time I have right now because I am tired and stuff...I may edit this later. have fun ZZZzzZZZZ @_@
(Even though I couldn't find the propper Music video for this, I thought Escaflowne kind of reminded me of Kenkora and Esune, and the song reminded me of Koichi.)
Far too late.... the time has passed.....
She is the one.... and broken and thrashed...
she talked to me.... and told me her woes...
I told her of hatrid... towards the Kinuta clan...
she told me of what had happend... I hold anger towards the clan....although..
as long as I control her....and act as like her.... will he even notice a difference?
Me....Okami, that is my name....I will hunt down my son... and hopefully he will forgive me...(AKA Kojiro Okami also known as: Elikc Delacroix in SL)
and what of that little Kinuta brat? should I tear into him, show him what his little girlfriend is really like?
If he comes across me...I wont have any choice...
If the older Kinuta brat comes across me-
STOP IT! [this message is scratched with nails as well]
you cannot stop me...I will tell him of your personal feelings... do you really honestly think he will cry if i slit your throat?
Koichi-sama....told me we are one, I work with him and he works with me!
He has also kissed you..touched you....yet never uttered words of love, Child what are you fooling yourself with?
He....Koichi san.....is the only one who can help me...
You fool yourself again....you honestly think Kinuta males have anything in mind other then becoming strong, and using their pawns wisely...?
I am no pawn!
Then ask him.....ASK him about Celenta! about the Kinuta massacre!! ASK him if he loves you! Child you are so blind you cannot see the cliff you are going to run off!
SHUT UP!
You...are not going to be in control of this body for a while...
....now that she is quieted down...I wonder what kind of fun I can have fooling people with a thirteen year old's girl's apearance....Hah...
(The wild red headed version of Pink reminded me of Esune for some reason X3)
Listening to Kenkora droan on about wanting to be a Chuunin, and missions, I wonder if he noticed I had been staring at his chest in all the time he was doing so.....
it makes me laugh to see how ignorant men are of the little things...the Kinuta men may be fast to the scent but they can't spot a gesture of interest from someone else from a step in front of him.
I tried to comunicate with Okami, he didn't respond, my head kind of hurted after though, I'll try again later....
Kenkora is so cute, how innocent he is, I think he is the most confused boy I have ever met.....Is it wrong that me....the anti-social wonder, wants to be close to the angst butterfly?
what is wrong with me? I've given myself to Koichi...and yet...I want to hold Kenkora forever in his innocent slumber, kiss away his pain....that I have so bestowed on him...
on another topic...I got into another fight with my brothers... I stood up to Hiro and Paul....they were drunk off their asses again, Don't remember what happend after....I just woke up in my bed and my stomach hurt... once again my body was littered in bruises, I didn't talk to them when I left.
I can only hope that Koichi doesn't notice my sudden interest in Kenkora....all though he has noticed that I did bite Kenkora...and completely threw it off as a misuse of my power...truth be told..Myself...I wanted to mark Kenkora, the only thing that Koichi doesn't have from me, my syliva which I uponed Kenkora with that bite, and I have the tiniest amount of Kenkora's blood in my body,
it was only Okami, who made it happen. I was the one who followed through....
Koichi told me that he would have killed me for hurting Kenkora, what's a love tap between friends?
then again.....why didn't Koichi say he would torture me? wouldn't that be a more suitable cause to gain information....and yet I remember Koichi doesn't like gathering information, he could have as easily handed me over to a questioning and torture crew, but...his "empress" is too important...?
recently I had gone on my first mission....with Koichi-san. to the snow country, to find out why there were no people,
of course I must have been a fool, my mind was not cleared of actions I made the night before.... the night before we left....I kissed Kenkora kun on the cheek....I guess that's my way of apologizing with playful banter....or did I feel lonly....was that it?
Even if I am with Koichi-sama....I feel like I am the only person standing there, I can reply to his words...but it feels strictly buisness....and everything has started to feel empty....I guess I did kiss Kenkora to feel like I was a real person....I honor and respect Koichi...and yet I have to respect my own feelings too...
into that mission Koichi disapeared from my sight...... when he did I felt so alone....like my mind was slipping away from me, does he think I can honestly control this thing now....
I felt a little better when he sprung up, less better when he tackled me....
when we arrived at the cabin, I desprately wanted to ask him about Celenta Kinuta.....but I couldn't... personal feelings on a mission....even though he told me the snow country reminded him of me....somehow I felt I couldn't believe it....so I changed the subject as I could to get my mind off it....
when I awoke only to leave with Koichi back to the grass village, I noticed he had injuries, upon ariving near the Kinuta estate, he fell to the ground, with help from a fellow classmate.... and a few perverted mumbles from Koichi-san. he awoke, we had a slight comical argument about him resting on my orders...me being of a less superior rank telling him what to do,
After that I noticed my skin was warm, and yet my bones felt cold, so I went to the hot springs, I don't understand something...I've gotten taller...more profound....chestwise, My brothers bought me a new outfit today because I had outgrown my other outfit,
I've practiced smiling alot, even if I don't feel happy....it seems to work on my brothers, I hope this will work with Koichi....I still do not understand why he calls me "empress"....
so teams have been decided by the Keikage, she was a breathtaking remarkable woman, although I felt a horrid sense....but I shook it off hearing I was teamed up with Kenkora, and another student....and the Jounin, a strong woman I remarkaley remember as a powerful woman. Haruko, I most know her for hitting Kenkora with her ruler, and picking on him....
I wonder what Koichi thinks about his team?
No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to out run the males of the Kinuta house, like tracking dogs they are, finding my scent no matter how I mask it,
as I had laid in the hot springs hidden away from the village, as I looked over my limbs it was like them themselves were ageing past....I hear whispers in the little sleep I get that there is someone I have to grow up for, who that is....I do not know,
I will reffer to the warrior who whispers to me as Okami,
Tomorrow unless I am called on by someone, I will try and comunicate with Okami.... maybe it will help me understand what happend..... and why he dislikes and mocks the Kinuta clan.
and why he forced me to bite Kenkora, and disobey Koichi-sama....
so many questions....for now I will sit on these thoughts until sunrise.
I will get my answers.
(Edit: Fudge, 4 AM and I forget the lyrics. >-> well now I remember.)
[Evanescense - Call me when your sober]
Don't cry to me If you loved me You would be here with me You want me Come find me Make up your mind
Should I let you fall? Lose it all? So maybe you can remember yourself Can't keep believing We're only deceiving ourselves And I'm sick of the lie And you're too late
Don't cry to me If you loved me You would be here with me You want me Come find me Make up your mind
Couldn't take the blame Sick with shame Must be exhausting to lose your own game Selfishly hated No wonder you're jaded You can't play the victim this time And you're too late
So don't cry to me If you loved me You would be here with me You want me Come find me Make up your mind
You never call me when you're sober You only want it cause it's over It's over How could I have burned paradise? How could I - you were never mine
So don't cry to me If you loved me You would be here with me Don't lie to me Just get your things I've made up your mind
I could hear it perfectly...but I couldn't stop it.... and I ended up hurting you...you've always been there...when I need someone to talk to....or when i'm upset...you will stand by me and act confused..... have I sent you to your deathbed Kenkora....please say it isn't so....
and Kojiro...was I so wrong to share that note with you....Celenta Kinuta.....myself...Kojiro Okami's father....this stone...what does it all mean...
So I am a Genin now...time for congradulations...and more training? My mind isn't as focused on training as i'm sure Koichi-sama wants it to be.... Koichi-sama....Kojiro told me we should talk to Koichi about this..... but he is the last person I would want to talk to on the subject...not that I do not trust him...and that I am not his....I just feel..that if we do...I may not be able to face Koichi-sama again....
I have to find Kenkora today before Koichi does...I need to see the aftermath of what I did to him...
but now I understand one thing....the person who is controling me.... I read a book speaking of such a hero who fell in love with a woman from another clan...this is a custom that goes back a long while....I was able to pinpoint it recently....two names kept coming up....Celenta Kinuta, and Okami....someone had smudged the first name beyond regognition, or had cut it out with a Kunai...
but it read of Celenta harming herself because of her sorrow between her clan, and the man she loved, their ages differed severely but it seemed that they truely loved each other,
as stated in the note....the unknown Okami man had gone off to find the stone to turn it into a ring for the Kinuta woman....but when he returned with the stone...he found the Kinuta tribe had been massacred, he heard a child's cry and ran to it's side, it resembled him greatly. but when he looked up with the child in his arms he found Celenta.....
her arms had been torn off, her rib cage torn open, her head cracked, and blood all around her, in the scene of horror he cried out "Save her!" to the stone in his hand, a beam of light came across her...and yet she was not alive anymore...he left instantly out of the massacred village, he came across grassy fields with a murr to what he knew as his only child, "grow strong....and do not be foolish...like I was...so careless..." and left the child in the grassy fields in front of a village gate as ANBU were coming back to find the baby child laying there...
that is what I gained from the book...from what the description states...the boy had dark skin....brown hair...and blue eyes...I am only able to make out so little wording here...Ko.j...ro...Ko...Ji...ro? Kojiro?
was it Kojiro....that was found in the massacre next to Celenta's body? this book....it has to be a little under thirteen years ago...
these connections...we're...all connected?
I have to find out more...I will risk going back into the Keikage's, No matter the cost, being a Shinobi will be put on hold....for now...I will be caucious to avoid Koichi-sama for the next few days...I can't let him know i'm searching into the Kinuta clan....I can't let anyone know...except for Kenkora...and Kojiro.
this will mean a great deal of sealth. even avoiding Koichi-sama and Kjinnay-sama as well as the other Jounins will be an impossibility at best, but i'm willing to risk being beaten to death for stealing secret information for the price of knowing who I am!
[Bob Dylan: What good am I]
What good am I if I'm like all the rest, If I just turned away, when I see how you're dressed, If I shut myself off so I can't hear you cry, What good am I?
What good am I if I know and don't do, If I see and don't say, if I look right through you, If I turn a deaf ear to the thunderin' sky, What good am I?
What good am I while you softly weep And I hear in my head what you say in your sleep, And I freeze in the moment like the rest who don't try, What good am I?
What good am I then to others and me If I've had every chance and yet still fail to see Bridge: If my hands tied must I not wonder within Who tied them and why and where must I have been
What good am I if I say foolish things And I laugh in the face of what sorrow brings And I just turn my back while you silently die, What good am I?
I thought I failed for sure! I went to see Kjinnay-sensei with the others.... and he said that me and Kenkora and a few others passed! I feel so happy!
Especialy for Kenkora-kun....he is so looked down on.... I was standing near the water with him earlier and I felt so happy standing next to him for some reason....maybe because he is very nice to me....we've known each other for a long time now..and now we even became Genins together!
not...very likely of me to gush on a Journal page like this..but i'm just so happy!
Also....oh I hope the Keikage didn't notice...but I found a page of a forgotten Journal on the Keikage's floor while jumping away from the river...why was I inside the Keikage's room?
because I was curious....I haven't met the Keikage yet...i'm afraid to...
but...this is what the page read....
Diary of Telrori: Spring 18th
My name is Telrori Okami the second.
my name is known far and wide as the lands farseed, I have slain many men, claimed the hearts of many women.... a Warrior of the lands.
and yet...I still feel empty...I have heard of a gem.... this legendary thing.....named Esune.
I have been told this is a foolish quest, to turn back now. but why should I? have I not proved my worth!?
It can grant anything you want...power...lust...greed....
Love...
love is why I want it,
I have fallen in love with a woman from a clan house....
Her name is Celenta Kinuta...she is a woman of amazing grace and beauty.... she had long beautiful orange hair, the color....deprived her of looking like the other of her clan, she had golden pupil less eyes, and wore the most beautiful snowy white Yukata's in the house, her form was flawless, and her skin was as peach as her love.
I plan to get this gem.....and I will make it into a stone, so we will be together...forever...Celenta...please wait for me...
I know the Kinuta clan does not like me getting close to their own, but me and Celenta cannot deny it....we love each other....and that is how it will be forever...no matter how many of them I must kill on my return,
I will ask her for her hand in marriage!"<
I do not understand...who this Celenta Kinuta is....but this page looks very old...I should be wary not to return to the Keikage's home unless I am sure the pressence is not there....
I want to find out more...this could have been the voice I hear...this gem...it is named after me...and from this description...this woman looks...like me....who is she?
Should I even bother to ask Koichi on this subject...?
I felt so happy last night, Kjinnay-sensei let me take the exam again, for I had been recovering from over exausted muscles, and missed most classes.... it was a written exam, it was hard, but I was able to do it. Kjinnay-sensei nearly gave me a heart attack by his heavy sigh and then telling me I passed!
(OOC Frostie: ahahah, I was actualy sweating bullets on it, 4 AM and a written test!)
and then the next day....was a day for failure, another teamwork example... I am not one for teamwork...since I never learned of it, Since my brothers became higher ranks then Chuunin I have had to take care of myself, and only myself, rareity a interaction daily...
Kjinnay-sensei had the students go to a temple, with three Jounin as the three's leader, there was so much confusion I don't know even what was going on, at the end, I was huffing from running around with my team, I couldn't have felt more horrible if I was under the eye of Koichi-sama during this exam....
Not saying Nekome-sama was any better....I felt like I was a failed ninja, I didn't even know which way was which....i'm sure it didn't even help to my brothers name....the Isuwara name...all of them are in ANBU, except for me...
I have decided my life....if I can not make it to being a Hunter-nin, to work alone....then I will be a medical nin like the rest of the stupid women in this village....
I feel so worthless...I can't even voice my opinion during a exam non the less lead a team, going from complete silence to a roar of thunder, i'm sure most Jounins would argue against my thoughts....but if it came down to two choices during a mission,
Getting my entire team out,
Or to sacrifice myself to get the rest of the team out,
I would sacrifice myself...but of course dear journal, you know that already. Kenkora...told me we won anyways...but I still feel like I failed them....
there is no worse taste riddling my mouth then defeat and failure....
Koichi-sama said my body and soul belong to him...as true as he may be..as I did agree to those terms, I can still take it out of his hands anytime I want to....
but there would be no less blood in that option....
Koichi-sama...told me to not let these things weigh me down....
but this is something...I could not bare with, I went to the hot springs after training harshly as I always did....and fell asleep...it was dark....and I heard mumbled voices...when I came to...Koichi-sama had his hand in a chokehold around my neck....what did I do to him!?
he spoke of controlling what was inside of me...and yet I didn't even know what I did...my chest hurt so much, his voice sounded so angry...I must have failed him...to see him this angry,
after I fled from him on his command to go meditate...I was glad I was trenched in water and far from him...I couldn't stop crying....curse this pathetic body....this pathetic soul...why would he find interest in something that will only fail him?
I fought whatever Koichi-sama was fighting....I knew it wasn't me...it was the whisper, to kill Koichi...and anyone else who got in my way....
I want to stay loyal to Koichi....but if I can't make him happy...what use is there...I still have yet to speak to Kjinnay-sensei, if I cannot even attain chuunin rank...I am useless....
what happend to being strong...is it true I falter under angry eyes.... If I hurt myself again...Koichi-sama will be angry... If I succumb to whatever this power is...Koichi-sama will be angrier.... If I tell Koichi-sama the truth....about how I feel, he will most likely punch me in the face for such a stupid remark...that I am sure about....
Will I run and hide....or confront him on my moment of death....
with this Kunai in my hand....I weigh the choices heavily...
I may be his...my mind...and body....but I am my own person too...and i have emotions...weather I like it or not...
After my usual training.... one hundred sets of punches.... twenty laps on the river....
I knew something...that I didn't understand before, that I need to put my emotions beside me.... no matter how Koichi-sama gestures towards me..... no matter how nice he is..... no matter how much I like him...
I have to train harder...and become a better nin... before I can admit that I feel something towards Koichi-sama... that isn't blood lust....
I wonder if I will ever become a great nin, I have not even attended any of Kjinnay-sensei's classes in the past few days...I leave them...I can only hope what Kjinnay and Koichi have taught me will be enough....
(The first thought that I wanted a character of my own)
Since I made Esune people have asked, where did I get the idea for such a morbidly torn up woman/girl?
lets start with the basics,
~~~~~~~~~~~ 5th Element ~~~~~~~~~~~ This helped me alot, if anyone has seen this movie, I highly reccomend it, I first saw it when I used to have a movie channel. if your a fan of Sci-fi etc, the future. or just want to see where I got the idea for Esune,
as seen above the Image is of the woman, Leeloo, now...I haven't seen this movie in like five years, so bare with me. I'm a real sucker for sexy insane in the brain, crazy female uke's with guns and spandex.
so as the opening, we see Leeloo being made, all bones and skin and mesh, when I first saw this movie I cringed and covered my eyes, for I had not watched alot of gore-ish movies, as I was getting into the techno age. as the movie went on, it was clear she didn't speak english, a guy tried to explain what a multipass was, which to open the chamber she was scantily clad and locked in, so what did she do?
Punch through the semi-plastic glass and get the multitool. that is where I got Esune's blunt and cleverness from.
so now back to how I got the idea for Esune,
of course Esune's facial structure is differen't from that of Leeloo's, Esune is more asian herritage, which I had gained from another movie, I will explain that shortly,
the look, not that I don't love the spandex white cotton shirt tight pants, as Esune's style differs with each Era that I introduce her to. but of course one must have noticed that I take a love to orange hair and pale skin to Esune such as LeeLoo has.
now, let us talk about that other movie I was talking about.
~~~~~~~~~~ Titan A.E ~~~~~~~~~~ For some reason blogspot hates me putting pictures in, but if you search for this title in google and look at images, You will seee....
an asian beauty named Akima. Since my love for all cultures goes far in dephs, I went to see this movie with my older brother when I was once again very young age, and found it amazing, since I was just learning about anime and detailed cartoons. I found her face to be very beautiful, plump bottom lip, a well rounded face, and the eyes, even though it is hard to pull off a good asian eye with a golden serpent eye in Second life,
but that was the idea to make Esune of asian herritege, Even though I myself am not a large percent of asian herritage, only through my great grandfather on my mothers side I find myself intrigued over and over again by the amazing wonders that the culture has come by.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ Furcadia ~~~~~~~~~~~
Ah, this was THE, first time I ever brought Esune into a RP game, after a long time, maybe a year on Furcadia, I decided to search further, and gosh dangit if I didn't find a slavery pit,
before all that, I found a name generator, since I am not known for my name making abilities, this was a long time ago going through, back when I used to play Final fantasy online, I was thinking....in the Final fantasy series there was a spell called Esuna.
Esuna.
Esune.
so it was Final fantasy and a name generator that helped me form the name, now Esune has not had a last name until now, or If I change it, so far it is Isuwara,
back to Furcadia, once I had made Esune, and I had changed her colorful apearance, I learned first to RP by a place called StarTown, of course I didn't know what it meant. afterwards I felt so embarassed and apologised.
once I had came across a slave pit after some months experience I decided on a color scheme, Orange, gold, white, and black. a description, I went in, now keep in mind Esune's age had to be changed, because originaly she was a 14 year old tortured soul, she then had to be changed to a 17 year old tortured soul,
most of the fun was multitasking, because while in the slave pit you would just sit around hoping that a slaver would talk to you, now come on people don't look at me dirty, I am no bondage freak, I like my mature gore-murder-rape stories, and yet, I do not act them, I take to heart RP, and it's been a long time since I have roleplayed.
but anyways enough about my dirty shinanagans, it doesn't make me a worse person for liking a good roleplay,
so, after having a dragon poke at the insides of my character, the owners decided to ban me from their land JUST BECAUSE, my character was one freaking year under the rule, and didn't even alarm me to this.
so I quit Furcadia after this, it was sort of like having my spirit crushed, don't say it can't happen, it's like being denied by your own clan, I had been there for both newyears of 2003, and 2004,
So....where is there to go but get a new life, Second life!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Second life ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I haven't really roleplayed since I came to Haven the Naruto RP, it took some getting used to, but I fell right into place using the /me command, I was happy to meet at least a few consistent Roleplayers, I was really surprised to see anyone take an interest in my character, usualy people would run away from a insane 13 year old ninja with a murderous intent,
but I feel right at home here....so far I just hope that this sim does not close due to greifers, there is no other RP in SL where I have ever felt at home. inbetween running from the Feds with Hiro and Paul around second life,
If I lost this place, It would be the same as Losing Phantasie isle, the place where I made most of my friends in SL. even though I have been in Haven only a week, I feel right at peace,
this being my third year in Second life I have seen many things, and Many greifers.
~~~~~~ Myself ~~~~~~
Ah yes, the creator of Esune, Esune also comes from me, her wit, her attitude, cold shoulder, work a holic, thats me and Esune, the branch doesn't fall far from the tree. I tend to be nervious and shakey around people, as is Esune,
~~~~~~~~~~~ The end ~~~~~~~~~~
So, I guess that's it, hope you have enjoyed reading this slice of OOC in a IC blog, I hope you are happy knowing where Esune came from and a lil about me, if you have any questions hit Frostie Flora up with a instant message in second life.
until Koichi came towards me...and told me to tell him my troubles...I hid my face, the best I could....I told him to run...and also asked if I had any bloodlust in my eyes....
I had a differen't kind of lust....among the bloodlust, but I cannot speak of that yet....
after my chat with him....I went to meditate in the hillside area, I was lucky...Genins ran from the village to my location, Haruko lead them like sheep away, also forcing me to move from my spot...I felt no bloodlust until I found another spot....
then Koichi found me again, wanting me to follow him out into the fields. he wanted me to tell him what was going through my head....how could I? I could only tell him half of the story.....the rest...that the bloodlust came from not being by his side....being surounded by pathetic young nins,
That I.....like Koichi-sama more then anyone else....and would give up anything for him...my life...my sight...my hearing....my voice....my body...my soul....touch and feel...as long as I could still feel his pressence,
hearing upon that I wanted to harm my fellow classmates and higher up nins....he put a Kunai into my hand...and dragged my hand across his arm until he bled.....I was so terrified....and I felt happy.....was it because he bled...or because he kissed me while he bled?
what caught me off guard....was he said...while slewing blood to the ground..... "You will stay with me forever, Esune?"
did I say yes.....because I wanted it to stop....or because I wanted to keep going.....?
If I lacked emotions...would Koichi-sama like me more....it would be easier for me to be under his command.....even Koichi-sama's sister....said emotions can be a failure amongst the battlefield.....
When I look in the mirror now....in my white eye I can see the frail girl who is afraid to fail, afraid to lose the one she admires most.....in my other eye I can see the monster that wants to steal life and lust after the one I admire....
am I me....or am I a demon?
Koichi-sama said...he would cherish the false smile I gave him....
I promise...I will give him a real smile one day...
(OOC: I'm starting to put songs relevent to Esune in these posts just because I can ^-^)
I had a dream....I was standing on the top of the Keikage's building....I've usualy spent time up there...but not as of often...there was no one in the street....no one at school...not in the buildings...not outside the village...
a copper taste riddled my mouth.....my senses, my smell.....I wasn't able to sense it, but...
Koichi came up behind me...wrapping his arms around my waist, he took one hand and took mine.....my own left hand, was covered with blood, I looked at him with eyes of fear, he returned it with a grin and captured my lips, I noticed I was almost at hight with him, maybe as tall to the start of his forehead....was I older?
he spoke words...but I couldn't hear them...except for so few...."Your loyalty....has proved worthy....my empress...."
as he spoke, I felt a sharp pain in my back....turning my gaze I saw Kjinnay-sensei....he threw a shuriken at me...feeling cool blood running down my back, I couldn't help but fall into Koichi-sama's arms hearing the words..."traitor..." over...and over....his voice growing angrier...
Koichi-sama held me like a lifeless doll in his arms, as if all my nerves for moving my body had been severed. he was always grinning at me, his lips in a malicious smile staring over me he mouthed words I understood....
"Your job....is done...empress....haha..."
the last thing I heard...was Kjinnay scream....
what was that....am I too moddest in mind....in the midst of the grey world....where most of these malicious dreams occur....why was Koichi there.....and Kjinnay...why did blood stain my hands...did I forsake you Kjinnay?
Koichi-sama....seems to like me more...now that I have told him of my loyalty.....I have been training very hard these past few days....
this morning....I took the bandage off my eye...and looked in the mirror...my left eye is pure white now...yet I can feel it twitching....I saw Koichi earlier with that eye....and felt something inside of me I shouldn't have....a voice...telling me to take his heart....take and break him apart....
worse of all...when my brother, Hiro tried to reach out to me today after a long mission I bit his arm...so now i'm reduced to hiding from people....until I can find my bandage again...or tear some from my clothing,
whenever I think of Koichi-sama...I feel like I could hurt him...and gain pleasure from it....hurt anyone...even kill...what has happend to me...I should have never taken off the bandage.....my eye hurts so much......it feels like a headache...
the waters....the waters will calm me down...i'll miss school again...but I don't think I care...
no! Kjinnay-sensei is depending on me to be at school!
and yet......what does he know...he was wrong about Koichi-sama....
Kjinnay taught me about a Jutsu, and is so kind,
yet while I was talking with him I had gotten pricked with a sword....
Blood.....
No...Run away....
I'll take his blood....
I wont let you....
Koichi-sama was wrong to trust a pathetic soul like yours....
He looks out for me....you will have no control over me....and not hurt him!
Koichi-sama...again most of this page will be written of him....
Koichi....sama...he...Kiss-....no I can't write about that yet....I feel so flustered right now...
he found me smoking again...he wasn't as angry as I thought though....I followed him to near the area where he had peviously gotten angry at my smoking before, he told me to quit....and pledge loyalty to him...
I could only think of Kjinnay Sensei...telling me to be careful....but...when I look into Koichi's eyes, I can't help but melt to his commands, and....so I did...I pledged loyalty to Koichi....my mind...body....and soul...belong to him.....if I was of age...I would give him more then that...it embarasses me to no end to think of that,
and on top of that....he kissed me on the cheek..wh-why would he do such a thing...i'm just a lowly genin...and so weak.....I can't stop blushing....KAME! stop thinking about him Esune! augh....
Also....why would he like such a grusome creature like myself....my eye is missing....my chest is bleeding....what wife would I be?
he also....came by the bath-house, I felt so embarassed, of course I was in my bandages and wraps, maybe...if I had more to show.....Gah! why am I writing this!? have I lost my mind? Kjinnay Sensei told me he was too old....I need to stop writing about this I can barely even breathe my face feels so hot....
Kjinnay-sensei asked me about my wounds, of course I lied...then told the truth...that I used a sword, I had found in my brother's room in their ANBU living quarters, where we now live, and I cut out my eye....while trying to fix my apearance....that gem...I wanted to cut it out...it was so horrible...and...now..
I can't even concintrate on anyone else....damnit....how can Koichi-sama plague my mind so....
I have to stop writing....I just...oh forget it! I can't even write propperly...
My name is Esune Isuwara......or is it..? I am age thirteen......
I am hoping to become a very skilled nin....even though I have missed a few classes at the academy....lately I haven't been well, I've started smoking....because I learnt I'm not who I am...many Jounins are angry that I have such a bad habbit,
Koichi.....that is the subject of today's diary.....
he seems to be...odd...since the last time I talked to him, my Sensei Kjinnay told me I should be careful of the Kinuta clan because... ....I can't even write it....it scares me to know though...
It seems Koichi is pushing away from Kenkora...his own blood, and being closer to me....maybe if I act like I have no interest...I can dodge a Kunai (Frostie note: Also known as dodging a bullet) even if I hurt myself in the process....when I was in the hospital in the village, Koichi came in while I was unconcious....my forehead hurt alot...he knows about my the gem....but he doesn't know....
every time my head hurts...I feel...bad...like I could hurt someone...or get angry enough to physicaly hurt someone...it usualy happens after my brothers "training session" with me...that was the cause of my last trip to the hospital, I feel so pathetic...I hardly know any Jutsu's...I fall asleep during class...
and now...I am losing the respect of the Jounins...but I don't care....
who am I....why do I have this gem on my forehead...
why.....why did he have to say those nice things....I feel so horrible for saying so many mean things....but I can't help it....it's like...someone else is controling me....
I have to be by myself....I need to....I....I can't stop crying while writing this...how stupid is that...if I was born a man this would be different.....
Koichi Sama...why can't I feel safe standing next to you....? what is this feeling.....
