Failure....only....but a failure...

Koichi-sama...told me to not let these things weigh me down....

but this is something...I could not bare with,
I went to the hot springs after training harshly as I always did....and fell asleep...it was dark....and I heard mumbled voices...when I came to...Koichi-sama had his hand in a chokehold around my neck....what did I do to him!?

he spoke of controlling what was inside of me...and yet I didn't even know what I did...my chest hurt so much, his voice sounded so angry...I must have failed him...to see him this angry,

after I fled from him on his command to go meditate...I was glad I was trenched in water and far from him...I couldn't stop crying....curse this pathetic body....this pathetic soul...why would he find interest in something that will only fail him?

I fought whatever Koichi-sama was fighting....I knew it wasn't me...it was the whisper, to kill Koichi...and anyone else who got in my way....

I want to stay loyal to Koichi....but if I can't make him happy...what use is there...I still have yet to speak to Kjinnay-sensei, if I cannot even attain chuunin rank...I am useless....

what happend to being strong...is it true I falter under angry eyes....
If I hurt myself again...Koichi-sama will be angry...
If I succumb to whatever this power is...Koichi-sama will be angrier....
If I tell Koichi-sama the truth....about how I feel, he will most likely punch me in the face for such a stupid remark...that I am sure about....

Will I run and hide....or confront him on my moment of death....

with this Kunai in my hand....I weigh the choices heavily...

I may be his...my mind...and body....but I am my own person too...and i have emotions...weather I like it or not...

in the end....I will only make people unhappy.