who....are you?

I was traveling....I think...

They said I was travel worn...I fell into a chasm....and hit my head hard....
this boy...he came up to me...saying his name was Kenkora..I can't remember anything..I knew who I was..but...I see things...I saw....a flashback maybe...?

Me and this boy...we spoke often...didn't we?

that's what I saw...there were....old and youthful...in colorful outfits...Gypsies..

he brought me back to his Village...shivers creeped up my spine...I felt like I was being watched....I just...sit around...playing my harp...often people look at me with looks of abrupt horror...well..from what I can gather from my senses....I....Haven't been able to see too well...only every step can I see...everything is too bright in day....and too dark at night...

I dreamt of a man....he looked so angry....short jet-black hair...muscular...crossed arms, he head butted me into the snow..and said "We have all week....You will be mine again." what....did he mean...? Who was he..?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
OOC Time children!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yes, Boo me and love me, Esune has lost her memory. She only knows Who Kenkora is, and the Gypsies one big ROFL for Gypsies. and...on top of that Esune is...blind, as well as knocking out her memories the fall into the chasm knocked out her eyes, but not her mental radar. she can sense pressenses...I don't think that's iligal.

She doesn't remember the following:
People of the Village.
Academy.
Missing-nins.
Brothers.
Nemu.

Upsides to this:
her personality got dusted off, she's more adventureous.
Spunky.
and rawr, big time rawr. Just for the hell of it. RAWR.
and she waves around a scythe. just for the hell of it.

I don't see anything fucking ruining the sim RP by her sitting around, on a rock. away from civilization, PLAYING A HARP. WTF does that mess up? Nothing.

Time to go check out the village again. Hooray!

~Frostie.

This reminds me of Kenkora...Kitty ears!!



Wheee high tempooo.

A Spindle of Events...a changed motion.

So....not to say I haven't had a exiting week...I believe..my views on Life have changed....

Earlier this week, I had gone back to The Hidden snow village to visit Yoshiyuki...and met some Gypsies and preists who were traveling towards the same location I was, one taught me the mysteries of playing a Lyre. a miniature harp...and bestowed me upon the same lyre, for when an avalanche mortally wounded a man, I was able to heal his wounds with what knowlage I learnt from Kjinnay, and the Gypsies also did something I could never repay them for...they had natural herbs that could turn the clock back on my skin...so that the desease would never spread and the skin would heal...amazing...they taught me so much, and I healed their sick...and they also taught me the art of the Preisthood bards.

Can't say i'm not feeling enlightened.

They also tought me some of Storytelling,

before I had trekked to the Snow village I had an unfortunate run-in with Koichi while Kenkora was showing me Renovations to the Kinuta clan house...I was impressed by his reaction to talking about my mother. and what his past blood has done...Haukoi dislikes him strongly, I heard that dragons can smell the past through blood...he's smelled enough of my blood for it to be a consistant theroy...and he warns me of those I should be wary of....

Though I am getting a kick out of how Koichi's emotions are taking a whirl....I may be in a better mood and enlightened.....but nothing gives me more pleasure then to see the ones I love most squirm in agony and pain...

Except one...Kenko...as his grandpa calls him, he's stood by me...he doesn't judge me...he doesn't call me his pet...he treats me with the upmost respect...he looks at me with sympathy...not lust...he stood by me when I broke apart...and told me when my brothers left me....I trust him...

I've given up being a Ninja...it's...it reminds me of my brothers too much,
I take more pride in being a Bard, a bringer of Joy and music, as well as some temp healing on the side doesn't Hurt,

I keep out of the eye of the public for now...mainly rooftops, away from ANBU...Jounins....Haruko seems...to understand, I fell off the bandwagon...and just got back on...Nekome...I have not spoken to and hope to avoid for now..I remember her voice last time, and it seemed unhappy...

When you live life on the edge it's so winding.....I don't side with Hidden leaf, or Akatsuki....I will give help to whoever earns it. you do something for me...I do something for you.

Simple.



11/13/06 Newer Personality Esune
(AFTER GYPSIES)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cheerier,
Smiles more often,
a little more talkitive,
Tollerant,
Positive,
Less wounds,
More adventureous,
Creative.

{OOC: SoooOOo...Yeah the whole Febronia thing failed. Hell i'm never making any plot changes on my period ever, Right now i'm not having one so Gypsies sound pretty good. Cause I got a Final fantasy 11 bard outfit for Esune, and a FUCKING awesome hat. and I bought a Lyre, I want to get one IRL, or make one...cause Harp's are so nice sounding...maybe if I get rich and have a big living room one day i'll get a giant harp and learn how to play...their so beautiful...

I figured, I could never play an evil Akatsuki by myself....it's like a Book or an anime series, You need a good strong first character, then secondary characters; I was nothing really without Hiro and Paul to back me up, but Esune is on the fence. whoever needs help she will give. albiet Evil or not....Yeap! so ends a Monday.}

Eye of the Tiger

I went to visit the only brother I know who isn't against me. Yoshiyuki, he lives with his step-parrents in the hidden Snow village; his step-father let me into the Snow village Library, it is vast and full of knowlage...it was a dead end.

Although I learnt a little on Haukoi's history, he was born from a miniature Dragon and a Lemur....go figure...

There is nothing on this curse eating away at my flesh inside and out...
Yoshi's Step-mother was worried about me. since he father was blind himself she was used to seeing blind eyes...aparrently mind were becoming glazed over....which is saying the state is taking it's course...I'll still trek...I'll make it back to Haven, Sleep. and then look at my map on where-else to trek for information on this cure...

Haukoi went berzerk on Kenkora when I met him...he knew...he knew it was the smell of Kenkora's blood which was still fresh on his bandages...Kinuta...

Now...to you my Journal..I relinquish my secret to you....I did not Join Akatsuki because I wanted to kill...and lust for murder....and blood..I did it so that I could become more powerful...and destroy Akatsuki from the Inside...Now that I've done that...everyone is confused, in a state of dissary...are we rebuilding are we attacking, there is no WE...there is only me...I am not on their side...or Akatsuki...I follow what I want to do...

There are things I have to do....there isn't enough time to die yet...

Maybe SHE is whispering orders in my ears....
I WANT to be a shadow...I don't WANT to be known..understood...call it rebeliousness...but I went this way...now I'm going to go back to my birth-home...the shadows that encase like a womb....

No one will remember me...only the people that died by my hands....
I will be a myth...legend.....that's what I will stride for...and no one will hold me back...

..Mama...I'm coming home...soon...



[OOC: So here's a Eeensie chart on how Esune's personality has changed Since she hawked Nemu's body and forged her split mind whole.

Old Esune Now Esune
~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~
Quiet Skeptical
Shy Arrogant
Caring Silent Caring
A watcher A Spoken Fighter
Sheltered Broken
Whole Incomplete
Peaceful Angry
Rare Blade Blade Drawn
Pure skinned Scars and Decayed Flesh
Healing bent. Keeps her Scars.
White/Blue Haukoi Red/Black Haukoi (From Extended bathing in flames)
Voices in her head Abused/Tortured/screams/agony and Voices in her head
Mild Insanity Overbaring Insanity

So the New Esune is basicaly a world of...She hates Everyone and Everyone hates her, and she wants to kill everyone she knew as a last stand, that comes out as her arrogance, she barks alot but has trained with her blade something feirce...even though I myself am horribley bad at RP fighting because my typeing has gotten drowzy and slow but I'm slowly learning what I can...

The Reason Esune holds Mercy for some and not for others, because she knows who she wants to kill and wont do anything otherwise of her own mind, she doesn't want to go on a killing spree. it's selected encounter. Hooraay!

~Frostie]

It has been long since ink last stained these pages....
Faking my death worked for the best...Hiro and Paul left Hidden Grass to a new base of operations...but they haven't forgotten about me...

I went with Nemu's body..taking it to a volcano...on the ledge I found my body...my fourteen year old shell...I also found an old woman...a Spirit preistess...she said she was taking care of my body, and saved it from being tossed in the fire...she washed away the blood. but the scars are still fresh...

she transfered my mind and soul...back, and tossed Nemu's body into the flames...yet I still held most of her memories..I couldn't live as her....it was...horrible..all I could feel was pain...every day...thinking about everyone...It was no way to live..
Afterwards the woman told me something...something I wish I never knew....

The reason I was able to keep my bodily form...was not because I was created from the gem...I had a mother...she was a temple preistess..like the old woman...she was snared into the same position I was....Akatsuki...she defiled from the village....My Mother..I had a Mother...

and the old woman recited to me the day of my birth...and my Mother's death....
The day of her death...she was allowed one last wish...crying and screaming she wished for me to live...and after I was born...she was bludgeoned to death for her crimes by the strongest clan of the village... The Kinuta clan...

Weather or not this woman is correct.....if I did Have a mother...if she was killed by them....the blood...it flows...while my blood boiled....

my mothers crimes were inexcusible...but she did what she could to destroy a village that wronged her.....she theived...murdered...sadisticaly tortured Jounins and Genins....I feel Empathy for her...

After my training for so long...the old woman said I was ready to go home....
when I returned...I had a hightened sense for what was around me, wearing my mask I could feel vibrations around me...

Downside to this...I can't really see that well...in the daylight or night...day is too light...and dark is too dark...I can barely make anything out...but it seems I don't need to trust my eyes...the ground speaks for me...the shadows...the air...

I've talked with Kenkora a couple of times....he didn't seem to notice I avoided looking at him...I spoke with Kuroken aswell....and Haruko my former sensei....

Haukoi Is my eyes...when I need them..for now....

I pledge aliance to no one...I will give help to those who need it....
I do not care for their rules....
their customs....
I will do what I want....

Not even
HE
Can stop me....I'm not his pet...not anymore...





[OOC: Another 12:34 AM post, Crazy. Toph from Avatar the last Airbender is my new Female fighter love; added a little of her snappy persona to Esune. <3]

[ late AMV and a extended warrenty on life]

[OOCness: As everything about my health is thrown out the window, and my brain is now running on a max capacity of 7% per day, 12% if I actualy go to sleep these days. >->;

So i'm extending Esune's death until I can get a solid fix on what I need to do to make this work...I know I should depend on others more, that's what my Great Grandmother keeps telling me but being the chronic worker that will fall over dead before I stop working on something that's important to me....

silly little reason behind why I want to kill Esune; when I created her four years ago in RL out of a movie I had just seen and fifteen pages of blank paper and a pencil with an eraser, I made her out to be my vent for anger and theatrics, that she was the kind of woman that would smile kindly as she ripped the spinal cord from someone's body. that she did not care for the meaning, like childhood malice....

by introducing Esune to this sim, I believe I have toned down that in her, and somehow felt I was cheating her at the same time by not being able to use her full extent; which made me saddened, it's like having a bike and not using petals. it's just stupid!....sorry.

but i'll ask some opinions in world and see what kind of feedback I get on how I can go about this, or if I should prolong it since the ball is still in the air, and I am trying to be more accepting to opinions of others since you can't run a pirate ship with just one person or so I keep hearing.

Good night.

~Frostie ]

A memory;....I remember....

How did all of this start...

The day....Paul and Hiro turned Missing-nin...no one would tell me anything..
that was the day me and Kenkora had guard duty...we were so bad at it...

and then...I saw a glimse...of Paul...in a black and red robe before he disapeared....only a few minutes after Shikasama came over with a saddening expression and said he was sorry before rushing past me through the gate...

I kept on my duties until Haruko dismissed us...afterwards...Kenkora told me while he was spying on a conversation; he overheard...that Paul and Hiro left the village...

Later on that night...they came back for me...no...not me...the gem...
everyone tried to protect me...and yet there was failure...Paul and Hiro...held me up in a abandoned house.....and the rest...is just a horrible dream...

when I awoke....I could only feel my heart beat with pain; and that is how I have lived every moment, in such pain....

in the shadow of Akatsuki....Koichi-sama always told me to fight it back, that I was stronger then that....he is wrong, I am not stronger then that....I wanted to be...but in the end I could never amount to his expectations....

the days are getting shorter....and the nights are getting longer...

I haven't seen Hiro stalking my shadow for the past few nights...that only means he has gone to get Paul, it is not going to be a pretty sight when they gets back...

Time is not on my side. so I will make the best of it training....the least I can do before my death is put on a good show.

Something wrong.....something very wrong...

I don't understand.....
It was so flawless......
she's still there...
like what I did......
she's eating me away from the inside....
I was an idiot...Koichi-sama was right.....

Hiro came back..saying Paul was still there...he stared at me...like a wolf does at a lamb, he walked away with a smirk and said "You think i'm not going to take it again? it's a matter of time"

when he left...I don't remember how loud I cried out...Paul's barrier prevents much sound from leaving the cave...but I cried until I felt sick inside..time is growing shorter....there have been less opertunities to see Koichi-sama...I promised him my most valuble asset...but if I do not have it...it looks like...if Hiro aproaches me to take it...

I will have to die by my own hands...light has gone...and darkness reins....

what a fool I am....clinging to promises that I can't keep...




[OOC: WARNING WILL ROBBENSON;
one, big huge rant, do not go forwards if you don't want to read frostie go slightly off the wall. >=>;






one big long...UuuuurrrrrrgggghkkkKKSMjsdkadladjlsajdajdlajdDKLCMKLJXCIJa!! >_<;

Some days I think about just killing Esune and starting fresh; or even just killing her and taking a break; it's getting to the point where RPing with someone is two sentances and then someone interupts then I get frustrated to the point of logging off. now people can call me a damn pushover if they want but think of what I have to deal with daily;

#1: I am basicaly the main core of Hidden grass enemies as of now. Aplications and Q&A,
#2: I reply to over 500+ IM's a day in SL;
#3: Working on new and exiteing things for the RP without breaking the damn precious RP rules.
#4: RL family,
#5: and finally Custom textures and objects.
#6: Idiots.

I put up with enough crap not to have to fucking put up with god damn interuptions!

Before Haven all I did was just sit aroung, ocasionally build stuff. and talk with friends, it's like being tossed from one box to another. add on top of all this normal RPing and the frustration just builds up; I'll take five days starting tomorrow to decide if I should kill Esune or punch a wall to suffice my need to kill people;

I'm not sure, this RP is doing alot of things to me, making me more creative, driving me insane, odd fun, making me faitugied, increasing my typeing speed, eating away at my soul, making me some cool friends, breaking my hands, making me some SL enemy cows fo lyfe, and killing me. it's a win-lose situation.

and with this I apologize, it is true, frustration, anger, and irritation is getting the better of my rationality and judgement and my emotions. but I stand firm on the decision for Esune to die or not to die, and if she does if I will replace her. and for what will happen.

We'll see....maybe...depending on how many more annoyances pop up like notices.. -_- )