[ late AMV and a extended warrenty on life]

[OOCness: As everything about my health is thrown out the window, and my brain is now running on a max capacity of 7% per day, 12% if I actualy go to sleep these days. >->;

So i'm extending Esune's death until I can get a solid fix on what I need to do to make this work...I know I should depend on others more, that's what my Great Grandmother keeps telling me but being the chronic worker that will fall over dead before I stop working on something that's important to me....

silly little reason behind why I want to kill Esune; when I created her four years ago in RL out of a movie I had just seen and fifteen pages of blank paper and a pencil with an eraser, I made her out to be my vent for anger and theatrics, that she was the kind of woman that would smile kindly as she ripped the spinal cord from someone's body. that she did not care for the meaning, like childhood malice....

by introducing Esune to this sim, I believe I have toned down that in her, and somehow felt I was cheating her at the same time by not being able to use her full extent; which made me saddened, it's like having a bike and not using petals. it's just stupid!....sorry.

but i'll ask some opinions in world and see what kind of feedback I get on how I can go about this, or if I should prolong it since the ball is still in the air, and I am trying to be more accepting to opinions of others since you can't run a pirate ship with just one person or so I keep hearing.

Good night.

~Frostie ]

A memory;....I remember....

How did all of this start...

The day....Paul and Hiro turned Missing-nin...no one would tell me anything..
that was the day me and Kenkora had guard duty...we were so bad at it...

and then...I saw a glimse...of Paul...in a black and red robe before he disapeared....only a few minutes after Shikasama came over with a saddening expression and said he was sorry before rushing past me through the gate...

I kept on my duties until Haruko dismissed us...afterwards...Kenkora told me while he was spying on a conversation; he overheard...that Paul and Hiro left the village...

Later on that night...they came back for me...no...not me...the gem...
everyone tried to protect me...and yet there was failure...Paul and Hiro...held me up in a abandoned house.....and the rest...is just a horrible dream...

when I awoke....I could only feel my heart beat with pain; and that is how I have lived every moment, in such pain....

in the shadow of Akatsuki....Koichi-sama always told me to fight it back, that I was stronger then that....he is wrong, I am not stronger then that....I wanted to be...but in the end I could never amount to his expectations....

the days are getting shorter....and the nights are getting longer...

I haven't seen Hiro stalking my shadow for the past few nights...that only means he has gone to get Paul, it is not going to be a pretty sight when they gets back...

Time is not on my side. so I will make the best of it training....the least I can do before my death is put on a good show.

Something wrong.....something very wrong...

I don't understand.....
It was so flawless......
she's still there...
like what I did......
she's eating me away from the inside....
I was an idiot...Koichi-sama was right.....

Hiro came back..saying Paul was still there...he stared at me...like a wolf does at a lamb, he walked away with a smirk and said "You think i'm not going to take it again? it's a matter of time"

when he left...I don't remember how loud I cried out...Paul's barrier prevents much sound from leaving the cave...but I cried until I felt sick inside..time is growing shorter....there have been less opertunities to see Koichi-sama...I promised him my most valuble asset...but if I do not have it...it looks like...if Hiro aproaches me to take it...

I will have to die by my own hands...light has gone...and darkness reins....

what a fool I am....clinging to promises that I can't keep...




[OOC: WARNING WILL ROBBENSON;
one, big huge rant, do not go forwards if you don't want to read frostie go slightly off the wall. >=>;






one big long...UuuuurrrrrrgggghkkkKKSMjsdkadladjlsajdajdlajdDKLCMKLJXCIJa!! >_<;

Some days I think about just killing Esune and starting fresh; or even just killing her and taking a break; it's getting to the point where RPing with someone is two sentances and then someone interupts then I get frustrated to the point of logging off. now people can call me a damn pushover if they want but think of what I have to deal with daily;

#1: I am basicaly the main core of Hidden grass enemies as of now. Aplications and Q&A,
#2: I reply to over 500+ IM's a day in SL;
#3: Working on new and exiteing things for the RP without breaking the damn precious RP rules.
#4: RL family,
#5: and finally Custom textures and objects.
#6: Idiots.

I put up with enough crap not to have to fucking put up with god damn interuptions!

Before Haven all I did was just sit aroung, ocasionally build stuff. and talk with friends, it's like being tossed from one box to another. add on top of all this normal RPing and the frustration just builds up; I'll take five days starting tomorrow to decide if I should kill Esune or punch a wall to suffice my need to kill people;

I'm not sure, this RP is doing alot of things to me, making me more creative, driving me insane, odd fun, making me faitugied, increasing my typeing speed, eating away at my soul, making me some cool friends, breaking my hands, making me some SL enemy cows fo lyfe, and killing me. it's a win-lose situation.

and with this I apologize, it is true, frustration, anger, and irritation is getting the better of my rationality and judgement and my emotions. but I stand firm on the decision for Esune to die or not to die, and if she does if I will replace her. and for what will happen.

We'll see....maybe...depending on how many more annoyances pop up like notices.. -_- )

[Personality Explination]

OOC:

Urk...I don't know why I keep doing this, but here's another deep dolve into Esune's brain as to how her personality is developed. There are three major contributors to Esune's personality as the tweakings of these past years that I had worked on her.

[::.Rei Ayanami.::]

-Anime Bio-

"-"Rei Ayanami is the first child. She has blue hair and red eyes. From the start you know she is not typical. She is perhaps the most mysterious character of the intrigue filled show "Neon Genesis Evangelion."
*SPOILERS!*

Rei is a very quite young girl. She never speaks unless spoken to, and even then quite seldomly. She is not plagued by the same types of emotions of inadequacy or fear as Shinji and Asuka are. She does not mind when Shinji sees her naked and she does not mind slapping him in the face when he says something bad about Gendo. She is . . . odd.

Rei, in fact, has a special bond between both Gendo and Shinji. When Yui Ikari (wife of Gendo and mother of Shinji) died in a freak accident, Gendo managed to preserve her soul. Then, he combined it with the DNA of Lillith (the second angel) to create Rei. We see certain scenes where she and Gendo speak and smile to each other. It is because of the bond of love they share for one another. We also see her and Shinji synching in movements and between one anothers Evas because they are, in a sense, mother and son.

Rei is plagued by the memory of how Gendo risked his life to save hers. She has kept his cracked glasses with her ever since that day. It is a reminder of his love and her mortality. She is also an integral part of the 3rd impact (movie version) which will bring about the end of all human life. Even though others may die, she, like Eva, will remain eternal. "-"

[Video]


[How this contributed to Esune]

The damaged quiet schoolgirl personaility fitted the younger Esune and the older Esune, even though as older she is brought out moreso, and able to form her own serious thoughts instead of caught in the web of childhood confusion.

Rei of course helped majorly in tonning Esune's personality down, because when I originaly thought of Esune back when I was fourteen I made her to be an amazonish wild animal, not a Neko or anything like that, more meaning she was feral and had the anger boiled up inside to physicaly harm someone,

Instead tonning that down into a quiet reserved girl I found most worked in tune with myself if I were to RP with her like that, also adding in the air of that her mind could never be made up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Next on the docket....

[Major Kusanagi]

[Anime bio]

Motoko Kusanagi is a cyborg operative with Section 9 of the Japanese government (security police) in the anime film Ghost in the Shell and the manga of the same title. She possesses an incredible ammount of cybernetic augmentation, to the point where there are only a few living cells left in her brain. Her synthetic body has a number of unique capabilities, including the standard superhuman speed, strength, and intelligence, plus built-in thermoptic camouflage, which renders her invisible to the eye and most security devices.

Major Kusanagi, besides very effective police operative, is a bit of a philosopher. She wonders whether she is still human after her extensive modifications, and what really defines a being as intelligent. This all comes to a head when she and her fellow operatives hunt down the Puppet Master, a self-concious artificial intelligence that manages to steal a cyborg body. The climax of the film occurs when she and the Puppet Master engage in a conversation over these very topics. The result of their discussion has great personal implications for Kusanagi herself, and all the humans of the future.

[Video]



[Contribution to Esune's personality]

Ghost in the shell the movie, was seriously the first Anime Movie I had ever seen. because in Canada that was back when Pokemon was the big thing and it was a rarity that they would show a matured and deeply formed Anime movie like this. exception being on the Space channel every month or so.

Motoko's contribution was the fact that she's a philosopher, that is what I wanted Esune to be, in the midst of her own Chaos if not a mild one. Esune is calm but I find she is a very skeptical in her rationality. because she does not trust easily.

And also to add to the beauty of having a muscle toned cybernetic body. I know I've heard from most people that have watched this movie with me "it was good, but couldn't they have at least made her face prettier?" I believe her face shows time, and what time it does take on a toll being a woman, it shows that she does not need to wear exessive makeup to be an important figure in the space of time. and that there is a time and place for everything and you will only know when that time comes.

I love hearing Motoko speak, since it seems there is never a word wasted, everything means something, so I will end this with two choice quotes;

"You talk about redefining my identity. I want a guarantee that I can still be myself."

"When I was a child, my speech, feelings, and thinking were all those of a child. Now that I am a man, I have no more use for childish ways. " [I know she quoted the bible on this one but it's cooler when she says it in movie.]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Our third and final contributor.

[Nitta Sayuri]

there is no real Bio for this one because it is hard to explain the cause being that I have very complex feelings towards this subject, pure love, joy, and sadness.

Geisha.

The way they present themselves,
The way Geisha move.

it has attracted most of my attention, as much as I can grasp, they never waste a move unless it is intentional. like in chess. and I have adapted this to Esune,

as to Sayuri's importance to Esune, her bits of her personality,
Sayuri as a child slipped and fell on a bridge, cutting her lip, and in turn met a man named the chairman. who she became infatuated with into her teen and adulthood years. and became a Geisha. so she could be near him since she wasn't of strength, stature. or political importantce. just a girl along the bridge.

Esune, has many traits of these magestic creatures that call themselves Geisha.
such as she hides behing a imaginary porcline face as her strongfront,
also she deals in trickery and small talk, medaphores and....

Damnit. I've tried to not to be all bubbleheaded on subjects and type like a babbling ninny but when my brain is split in two it's hard to keep that side in the dark corner where it belongs. ._.;

...Anywho....now for a freak dream I had, if this wasn't RP related..I would have still posted it anyways.

Koichi came up behind Esune wrapping his arms around her, she turned her gaze and smiled her eyes under veil of anime'esque shadows, "You've past my tests..." she said, he looked curious "Tests?" she turned to face him nuzzling his chest hugging her arms around his sides "You followed me through hell and were able to emerge with me on the other side...no matter how many times I said go back..you went forwards..and earned my respect...and much more.." she lifted a finger to trace his lips

and...thats where my dream blacked out with my mother yelling "Jessica where's the cat!? I think your father let it out!! get some pants on and go after it!" >_>;

*COUGH* Geisha Music video...and that's about it. thank you for reading my insane blog postings. I will continue once something more happens or I get the devine inspiration to do another explination. whichever.

[One more AMV!]

[ I know Yaoi isn't everyone's cup of tea...but it's what turns on my drool meter, not meaning I don't love certian people still just because i'm obsessed with bishies ^=^]

Sands....Surf and burn...

after two days of searching in the deserts i've returned...

it was painful to come back,
my reasons for going to the desert....to find a book analyzing in physical dream analysys....after escaping the hospital it was an easy task of leaving the front gates...Hidden Grass has been mortaly wounded and anyone can escape the wound, and enter it,

while traveling the vast sands of earth I had exeeded my point of exaustion, not knowing my own limits once more...I awoke in a old woman's hut at nightfall...she provided the book to me....it turns out...in asking for her name...was the wrong thing to do..

...Paoime Isuwara...

Great Grandmother of Paul and Hiro and Kakashi...(Esune has four Brothers, can't remember my friend's name, and Kakashi as in Kakashi Okamoto in world.)

of course...I kept my name simple..as usual...Esune, she was shocked by the name...and I never said my last, only that I knew her grandchildren...no more and I was on my way...I also thanked her for healing my burns...it seems I got a nice crispy tan on my visit to the sand country.

on my return I had regrets...thinking of my childhood with Paul and Hiro...and now I need to confront them within my dreams and defeat them...undergoing the desert alone for two days isn't much training; but it's all I have right now...

if I am a enemy-nin I will act like one. cutting down anyone who tries to stop me....the problem will be...hiding my corpse long enough for this to happen....in the cave...Hiro and Paul could come back to find me...if they are close..

being in the village wont help, nor being near it....

I trust no one with my body...not even....him...

I'll have to prepare in case I don't wake up;
there are too many things that can go wrong...then again I wasn't one to back down from doing something irrational and rash again...it's so soon....am I afraid of them...how can that be!?

I've hated them...and they've hated me....since I was born....
why was it such a shock when they left...I...never cried...until that time....
and Paul...he would....come back...just....to taunt me...in my dreams...controling my body....in pain....why...why did I do this!?


[OOC: Explainin a little on how Esune's emotion cards are played right now. She's lamenting on the past, having regrets on what she's done, and is determined to get the stone back, following that she has darker shading around her eyes and got a tan, the darker eyes represent the sleepless nights, because I represented Esune's childhood to be...if not like Gaara's. darker, deeper, and more incesty. cause i'm just that evil.

I changed Esune's hair back to the original. the curls weren't working with the tan; I was tempted to change her hair color tooo...just to balance it out....but I dunno, I don't want to make people confused. i'm already confused enough!

And i'm going to be dyeing my hair again in Real life, so I need suggestions, my mother is a hairstyelist so I usualy let her do the stuff, I just don't know what I should do, I've been a Natural blonde, Natural Brunette, Dyed redhead, multitoned brown, then I added pink streaks to my bangs, so yeah. everything under the sun except black. which is tempting me. so suggestions would be nice. Peace! ._.]

[OOC:Fun fun and more fun]

Typed live from the hospital;
by Frostie's brother,
words said are by Frostie herself,

Hey gang,

so this sucks but here's the breakdown.

"Recurring pain or soreness in neck, shoulders, upper back, wrists or hands."
"Loss of grip strength, lack of endurance, weakness, fatigue."
two of the signs of RSI, (Repetitive strain injury)

the Family Doctor says that it isn't 100% serious but should be looked into because it is something that could become severe and serious,


let me recap my morning, I woke up, had a glass of coca cola; thought it would be cool if I could make the RP into a written story, and so I started to tak away at Microsoft word. then I noticed my typeing was getting sloppy. so after staring at my fingers for five minutes I continued on until I felt a jolt of what could be described as someone butchering my fingers;

I should be coming home tomorrow; of course my family will do their best to pry my laptop away from my clutching grasp so I can rest, being that I have lied a few times about my health just to do some better or to fix plot holes in the RP; I really have to say,

the notifcation Nekome made on plots I feel it was directed at me; good thing I finished up Esune's huge ass plot before Nekome's fist reined down, because I swear Nekome hates me sending notecards because I'm such a detail whore, then I back down because I'm still afraid of her mighty fist,

anywho, if i'm lucky my family will let me back on second life by Friday or Saturday.

Thank you Christian and Kiba for the kind words. Now; when I get back I expect at least one of you to have a plot that will boost your character's story or something, I've freaking got 27 chapters of notecards for Esune's story. and that's not even counting the ones I forgot to save. @=@ <-- (Frostie's friend's attmpt at a dizzy face)

More detail; little options....

another dream....about the gem...

Is there something important to be gained from it...?
upon my readings of books I have found that there is a way...to tranission solid objects...through the matter of thought space...if you share thin lines of blood...in this Akatsuki seal is a certian quantities of my own....and Paul's blood..he holds the gem...so in his slumbers in another country...I can invade his thoughts...and if I am strong enough...take the gem...

is this another foolish saunder?
....Koichi-sama has been so kind to me...having patience...while I have been driven to one insanity to the next...I don't feel...just promising my most precious part of me to him....would be enough to repay him....he took interest in the gem; I do not care for it...but I will give it to him if I can..in the way possible that wont injure me the most..

another...thing happend beside my thoughts....Kenkora found me dwelling near the cave to the hideout...and brought me back to his room....he studdered...his face was red....this wasn't like him at all..I kept pressureing him....until he broke...

and said....

He loved me.....

after I broke his arms....
tortured him.....
and mocked him.....

he loved me....

and yet...I will never return those feelings towards him...no matter how much it hurts my heart...an Akatsuki...and a Genin....

and Koichi....it is a painful trial...this life...

{OOC time: I'm about to become sick again ._.
Anxiaty about opening my own little store, since Hiro and Paul have been dead as far as I'm concerned; and it totaly sucks that i'm the only Akatsuki in the RP that's still in the country! as far as the RP is concerned Hiro and Paul have retorted to finding more information on the gem and how to harness it's power way out of country...as for Cream pan I don't know.

but this is driving me nuts, and killing my health. SL no copy paste invintory bugs have my brain on the fritz as well. as well as 50 IM's in a single afternoon...sometimes I just want to crawl into bed and sleep until next year and wake up to over 200 IM's saying "WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN!?"....that is sounding really good actualy;

I ate some really bad seafood this morning....actualy I really don't like seafood so hell if I know why I was eating seafood. crab especialy...smells like cat throw up and tastes like a lemon dipped in pickle juice....urk...ugh...*resists urge to barf*

Opening a store....WTF was I thinking?
I only currently have 4 things, trying to teach Kiba Noonan how to use a Vendor is like trying to teach Bill cosby to play Pokemon....maybe teaching bill cosby to play pokemon would be easier. AND I CAN'T STOP THINKING OF A PLOT FOR FIVE SECONDS! >_<;

*Cries and brawls into her pillows*

I just want to take a break.....anyways the music video..I just was randomly watching a anime series I used to watch all the time in my youth; Card Captor Sakura...then I found this...which-

don't beat me up on this Chris! >=>;

Reminded me of Kenkora and Esune. I thought it was cute.
the score still stands firm;

Kenkora: 10
Koichi: 16
Sleep: 50.

I like sleeping more then the both of you. <3

G'night fellow....whoever reads this blog!)

The longest path...the death clock ticking down.

I haven't had time to return to this journal...to remember the pain...

I did the ritual....but did I fix myself...did I tear the grip around my neck off?
Hiro and Paul went to another hideout to help their friends (OOC: IE school started up for them again so they have zip zilch zero time for SL >_>;)

and I have no idea when they will return to torment me, this body...it does not belong to me...it was Nemu's...but now my mind is so silent...is it actualy driving me mad not to hear voices?

Koichi says he is looking forwards to going on missions with me again...from what I wearily heard through an unconcious state Nekome can't wait to see me dead...Kjinnay is worried...and Shikasama is shocked...Kenkora....seems to be doing well..

my body is in ruins...yet healing, I am forced to use a crutch to escape the death sentance put over my head Shikasama said he wouldn't let that happen...Koichi told me he wouldn't let anyone hurt me....

but what does the Keikage think....I have not met the Keikage except when I was put onto Haruko's team...I was afraid...like she could see right through me...my own intentions...how I was feeling...so angry...towards my brothers...

they abandoned me....and I went after them...I cried for them to keep me close to them...and in the end turned into another puppet...I am not their sister...I didn't want to be alone...

Even when I am with anyone...there is no one who will truely understand..one hundred percent understand what is tearing me apart;

is it a desire to be tortured...do I want to feel pain?
is it my way of feeling alive...I constantly tell myself I have to fix everything by myself....because I trust no one to save me....after Hiro and Paul leaving me..after tearing my body apart...after breaking Kenkora's arms....becoming someone who I wasn't...

there are bloodied tears I cry that no one can dry....

and yet...I wont give up life. until I have kept my promise to Koichi, I promised he could take the most valuable thing about my body....when I still held the form of a child I didn't understand what that meant....now I understand...

I will keep my promise, no matter what has to happen.

( Wheee! more rementing on the past...I chose this video because....well I think of Esune as Sasuke in this...and Itachi times two; ^_^
And I also found out what Ecchi means today!
....I've had the power of the internet for over 8 years now and...I only think now to look this up?! >_<;)

Lies and contemplation.....conceal it, seal it.

When I woke up again.....from that dreadful nightmare...staring into Koichi-sama's eyes....I lied saying I didn't know what happend....I could hear, feel and see...but not act....

one bitter failure after another....there is only one option left, I must use the sealing instrument that Kjinnay-sensei gave me...to seal whatever this is away...I wont tollerate my own failure anymore...

this woman....the 'older me' has written many things...that I myself have wished..but never would have....this flute, Kjinnay gave me..he told me not to use it unless it was a critical situation where I had nothing to lose....there is much at stake...but if I can do this...maybe I can atone for the times I have failed Koichi-sama....

I don't know what will happen....I may be ripped to shreds, my soul might combust under chakra pressure, my lungs might explode...there are many ways that this could end...and I only know them because I share one equil mind with this woman...the 100 ways of torture....all the techniques....forbiddon techniques as well...are so familiar to my body now....like I have used them all my life..and yet I still hate using healing chakra...it...is like acid..

Tonight...I will try..Kjinnay-sensei taught me how to do many things especialy how to train myself to move chakra through the flute for a desired effect..such as wind...and only indulged me in a few topics upon mergeing your soul so that one personality would be left...

There is too much at stake if I don't....

If I can..maybe I will have the courage to go back....and confront those I have wronged....

(This music video made me think of Esune, and hooray! for once a post that isn't at 4 AM!)

Timid Bravery.

(OOC: Yeah....so now i'm recruiter for Akatsuki, forkin 3 AM work....and SL isn't working today....that...totaly sucks.)

Taking Koichi's last breath from him is deeming harder,
he does not believe that it is I, who is doing this.....
to live my own life....killing him, will make me strong enough to kill my brothers.

....one thing bothers me...Kakashi....my brother..he told me once...what use is living when you are dead?

that makes me question alot of things...one more confrintation with Koichi, then I will know once and for all, if this is me...or this was an illusion....


Amongst that, I have been bestowed with marking new recruits to our unholy cult, like our own hellish army, the first two I had laid eyes on seemed interesting...of course it being a horrid hour of the morning my mind was elsewhere, but without hesitation was able to mark them both...

I felt kind of odd....they were older then me and yet it was...a funny feeling that I acted more older then they were...

....I guess feminin habbits are hard to break....when you see cute guys...you see cute guys....

Burning hate....following through.

When Paul and Hiro had returned from a long trip to see that the boy Nanashi captured had escaped, Hiro made no waste in haste to beat me to a bloody stump, and Paul healed me to half of his hearts content....

this go over conversion of body and soul isn't going over as well as I had hoped...more pain, that is all it seems to be...

Hiro and Paul also told me that I need to stop living in the past, and kill whoever reminds me of such....they keep finding out about these mishaps...one more slip up they told me and I would be confined to the cave and only escorted by one them...as much as I am their puppet....they still think I haven't noticed the marks,

nothing has changed....nothing....their marks run deep into the eches of my existance, far beyond changing a body...I was a fool not to accept Shikasama's help...what would I say if I returned anyways? "Hi, how are you guys doing i'm back?"....

Hiro and Paul made sure...that I could never return....is all..hope lost?

am I really....their puppet?

[ This music Video is more or less an explination of Esune's mind, Noodles the crazy character running from helichopters, is basicaly Esune's child mental state,
and the Helichopters being Esune's adult mental state...Wewt!]

[ The story so far.]

Alright this is a OOC post, just in case anyone needs to be caught up on Esune's story.

I am going to start at the VERY beginning and work down to today.
50 million notecards don't fail me now. also...I guess a little explination how I came to be at this little slice of RP "Haven" Heaven?

So it started out as another day hangin around the Anime'esque sim Nakama, when Hiro Shimida, Paul Sarlo, and Kakashi Okamoto, an yours truely were talking on skype, and then Hiro teleported me, and I was all "Oh...another weapons testing sandbox? -_-;"
where the Jounin training ground is now used to be a barbed box thing,

so then I met Nekome for the very first time and she sent me notecards, and I was one again at the "WTF" hour of the afternoon, since my wakeup routine was seriously messed from 24/7 skype chat's.

but once I looked them over and saw it was a RP sim, freakin coo',

but then I thought who I should play, then I dug Esune out of my old pile and worked on a avatar that I felt reperesnted her if she was a 13 year old Genin,

and of course, much to Hiro and Paul's pissed off nature I wanted to start off at the bottom because:

1: I have no leadership skills,
2: I'm horribley shy.
3: I don't have a gajillion Jutsu's and barely took interest in scripting until 5 weeks after.

but along with Kakashi used my last name so we became one big happy family, consisting of three ANBU and a Student,

Paul and Hiro bought a store together and let me and Kakashi put up vendors so we could be cool and sell stuff, hopefully I'll be able to make something cool, soon...just can't decide on Hair, skins, swords? particle magic?

Anyways back to the actual Day 1, which was after I signed up, I felt like such a dolt while trying to work on the character notecard;
Me: "Okay...why...what...uhh....explain...increase in chakra...how!?"
Hiro: "Just don't fill it in, I didn't."
Paul: "God Frostie shut up!"
Me: "You first!"

Once I did, I actualy met a guy I knew before, Kiba Noonan, back in Nakama, I didn't know he would turn out to be the guy who let me break his arms in RP. X3

Also another friend Wolfang, I met him in Nakama on a taxi ride. who was a Jounin and a Kiba and Akamaru fan (From naruto)

I was kind of reluctant at first seeing obviously this may not work as an RP, since there was way too many OOC people there which was horrible, until I saw a group of newly joined Jounin,

Nina, Nekome, Christian,

and I was blown away by their RPing, and just thought i'd do a little thing to see if I could get involved doing a little sneaking, and it seemed like the pack accepted the sneaky Esune.

I just started hanging out on a ledge near what is now the Kinuta Estate. and met alot of interesting people. and Hung out with Kenkora (Kiba Noonan's Character) even though he is not the brightest bulb in the box, maybe the most defective, and needs to be fixed, or...smashed, but usualy he is the only one I can manipulate into letting my character do horrible stuff to when I really need it, like chinese delivery. 30 seconds of your oreo pizza is free. <3

and then I met Christian Margetts, the obvious thought was "damn, I can't RP worth a gust of air and there's what's got to be the best RPer ever." then I slowly learnt the mechainics of RPing again and found myself very intrigued by how character interaction could work in second life,

being my DREAM job is to either write a story or character design for a huge gaming company like Square enix, [Please exuse my enthusiasm writeing this i'm pumped from 3 cans of black cherry vanilla coca cola....I know I promised I wouldn't drink anything with more then three words in it, and it tastes like beer but meh.]

I just love how it works, anyways as over the past days I had RPed with Christian, going through many phases, such as "Quiet shy Phase." "having a Crush Phase" and just cause Paul Sarlo suggested it, "Angry angsty my life is nothing smoking Phase." with Esune. just to see what the limits were, and to get my barings on how his character would react to Esune going through these things, we can say this was a complete sucess and I met a new friend too!

I ended up saving most RP chat logs in notecards, I have 28,

as my hands are getting a lil tired, but I might go down below, hang around the village, see if anyone's up for an RP, if not I may do texture work.

but here's the story so far in a nutshell,

The Defection of the Two Isuwara brother's killed Esune's mindset entirely,
especialy since they abused her child body past the limit of any normal body,
I know that sounds incesty and sick and gross, but....then again you all should have seen my old RPing days. @_@;

So she pleaded to them to fix her body, because of the way Koichi acted towards Esune when she told him what they did to her, she felt it was her fault, even though he told her not to blame herself (OH GOD MY FINGERS ARE ON FIRE. O_O;) she pleaded with her brothers like the mortal pleads to the devil, and so they took a woman who was their ally and saved Esune's soul from her rotting corpse, since they did such a horrible job on the circulitory system, since the gem revolved around that,

in exchange she served them as an Akatsuki, and a shield, as well as trump card, until something called her to the village, a haunting need to find Koichi,

and now because I feel like hell today she's a little sad from an encounter with Shikasama (AKA Phantomshake)since he wanted her back at the village, but after what she had done to Kenkora, and Koichi, she's ripped, since around this time the peices (Her woman soul and Child soul) are mergeing into one person, which is tireing her out,

......YEAH,

sorry...caffinneee....

so most times she will be sitting meditating or holding her head trying to calm it down since she is in the final stages of pressureing every part of her soul back together...and uhh...molding it to the body so it doesn't fly away...and...leave? or something...?

Yep! okay that's it my fingers are burning, anymore questions IM me and i'm sure i'll make up something off the top of my head. ^_^

If anyone actualy understands this...you win my love and affection,
because I never know where the hell i'm going with this. <3

my fingers do the talking not me. my brain has been gone since day 1.

~Jessie

I.....I...just can't....

in these days....I've found it...nigh...impossible to hold my emotions back...
at points I've had to run from my fellow Akatsuki just to find solice in crying alone by myself...the pain in my soul getting unbarable..

Kojiro....Shikasama....Koichi...

they have all aproached me on the same subject...
and now I write it here...last time I had bathed, I noticed in my reflection, two burned in ink markings, one along my chest...the other down my back,

and now I understand....I am not Akatsuki....I am Hiro and Paul's slave...this body is not freely mine as they told me...they can kill me, make me kill....if needed..

when I woke up this morning...to find a Student laying amongst in the cave,I didn't even notice Shikasama ran in...just seeing him...made me want to cry,

everything....everything makes me sad...I want to return to the village...but what right do I have...I have killed innocent children who have wandered into the forest...and everyone knows that I broke Kenkora's arms...tortured him, and worst....I hurt the man I admired, Koichi.

I thought...if I could even injure him on foolish whims...I could live this life...
but it has made it only more unbarable......I was better off to have died a child, then suffer as a woman...

I had injured Koichi....and went to his room to visit him..he asked me to rest with him, I was reluctant...because I want this suffering to end...and I believed...for more then a fragment of a moment that killing him would ease my suffering...when he fell into deep slumber...I left, what a coward I am...I can't..I just can't kill him...

looking at him....makes me remember all of the hurtful times...
as well as the good times....

It feels like home and far from it....

Have I lost the will...to be strong....?


(Magical Final fantasy 10 spoilers in here!
if Tidus was just cooler then I would actualy make this a refrence to Esune and Koichi ^=^ )

The door to darkness....eternal power?

These days I have kept to myself, inside of that cave, I kept a keen eye on my pet....little Kenkora,

something peaked my interest as my comrades came back from a exploration to the country of water and brought me back scribes and books, they looked very angry that THAT was their payment, but...I'm always happy for new information, especialy this,

Hiro, Paul and the two other women seem not interested in these, but what I have uncovered might make them think elsewise about turning information away,

in all of these scrolls something has came across that caught my entirity in attention, Hiro had to pinch my arm before I noticed him and Paul were leaving on another guys outing,

but more onto this scroll....


"in whomever holds sorrow, anger, distrust, greed, lust, the lust for power...anything, must be in hold of imense power, in my studies of human nature, they have usualy been shown to hold much in these traits, and in these traits,
that means they hold imense darkness over their hearts,

this shields them from everyone, and themselves, being drowned in their sorrows,
I have learned that there is a way to control this darkness...inflicting emotional suffering over someone will increase the darkness over their heart, each heart is different, and yet the darkness is what binds and connects hearts,

I have also heard rumor to the Door to darkness...Emense power....if unleashed, no one will survive, even I the user will most likely perish, being so close to darkness...

and yet...is that such a sacrifice...for a...beautiful....world?"

That is all I had found in the imense journals and Scrolls...yet I must be careful, as it says....but it seems that Kenkora...has much darkness, Kojiro, was a thought for a second..but his will is too strong, too uppity,

I also met the strangest woman.....I fear death not, I fear no torture, I willingly accept both, I knew she surounded me with ant's, and yet I am not stupid enough to attack her,

There is nothing more I detest then women, if I was born a man then I could live simpler, there is no real reason my body is feminin, I can give new life, and I have lumps on my chest, what else is new?

other then that...I see no reason why women couldn't be bred stronger, more efficiant, all they seem to be are fat cattle, chew the grass and give nutrients for life and breed,

possibley as a gift...I will give Kenkora a sword...if he accept's my offer...then I can make him my aprentice...and then I will use him against everyone...just like my brothers did with me...and I will open the door to darkness...the eternal power source...using that child's heart as a path,

Let's just see what the bugs do...scatter? or fight.

(OOC: This is what I get for playing both Kingdom hearts games within the same week. ANYWAYS...Sorry I have to forgo the music today @_@ Youtube is being very stupid about loading, so I can't even check out any of these, other then that, it's been a stupidly slow day, waiting for IM's from the few decent RPer's I know, I'm most likely doing to make a sword like Riku's from Kingdom hearts 1, and it will be cool. then I'll give it to Kiba.

Why oh why Kiba you ask? because;
#1: Even though he is very annoying, he is the only one I have gotten to RP with...IN THE LAST TWO DAYS. >_<;
#2: his character has had more experience with Esune,
#3: He is the only one I have roleplayed with IN THE LAST TWO DAYS....sorry had to just clear that up.
#4: If I took Frog ass *AHEM* Kairi, under my wing, or Artix, what's his face, I would regret it, INSTANTLY, actualy...Kairi's the reason I don't like women in SL anymore, just....looking at her makes my brain fizzle out and wonder "WTF IS THAT!?" every....single....time.....*crashes over onto her floor* Z_z )

Careless.....

I was too careless....there has been too much silence in my mind,
and it is driving me insane...the girl of me...she couldn't have died, for she is too strong for that,

she is planning something...gathering strength which is getting on my nerves,
I am this child's guardian, and she will not surpress me any longer, I have waited far too long to put a final end to the Kinuta clan.

I have waited...for sight of him....that bloody Kinuta Elder, with him gone the clan will fall, the woman can not handle it alone, nor can the child,

and then....I will move onto the other clans...just as I proceeded...with or without the help of Akatsuki my dream will prevail...clense the world and start anew...

but there is a hitch...I knew the girl would not let me kill the Idol she hates and loves, she is slowly making this body weaker, and weaker, my physical strength seems less each day....this is not going to end well....her soul is directly attached to my own, what game is she playing!?

if she does this, her soul will die too....does she understand this?
is this....Kinuta so important even though she holds anger towards him she will sacrifice herself!?

I need a bath...I stink of student blood...

(OOC: Only a little message tonight. I'm running out of things to do! ;_; Paul and Hiro might not be on as much since school has started back up again. and RARELY now there is a good RP that doesn't involve someone god-modding a win. @_@, "I stab you, you die. ha ha ha ha." har har....X_x *cries* I miss the good old...eight weeks ago!)



( I picked this movie for alot of reasons, because I liked Sakura's transformation when I saw it, and when I cut Esune's hair short on my av it looked sorta like Sakura, now my hair looks like Demon Sasuke. and I like Sakura getting brutaly beaten up, it was either this, or Ino&Sakura movie with the same song, not that I don't love how their childhood was portrayed, just....sleepy. yeah. ._. )

I've waited so long....time...is now of no importance.

Now that those...distractions have parted....

the little girl of me...and that woman...Nemu,
combined they have made me whole again,

the lies will end, and blood will shed...

Koichi....will be the first...for his hands, nor his syliva may touch my body,

[No! Koichi-sama run!]

Then Kjinnay....he didn't fall when that fool girl Nemu ran to him....he will die by my hands...

[Kjinnay-san! save yourself!]

and then....everyone else...

that runt....
[Kenkora!]
that bitch....
[Sakura!]
and all the rest...
[Nekome....Haruko....Shikasama...]

That Koichi...the little girl has gained his trust...she is trusted enough that he feels safe enough next to her, embrace her, kiss her, touch and feel her,

yet....if I run into him....

[No!]

and he does this......

[Don't....Don't!]

to me....

[NO!]

He will taste his blood, every touch he had to my younger self, and my irrisponcible self, will be delt back tenfold. no mortal may touch a godesses body, no matter how the soul is hidden inside,

that is how it has been for ten thousand years...and will not be changed any time soon....anyone who comes across me, I will not hesitate to mortaly wound them....

for I am no longer the child, or the woman...I am simpley the entity.....

E = Emptiness
S = Simply
U = Unlimited
N = Never
E = Eternity

( Yeaaah this kind of has spoilers to Final fantasy X.and I already posted this song but it's too gooood, oh yeah and...I guess for the next couple of days I might be an Older version of Esune. O_o; PLOT STIRRING COMENCES. )

[OOC: Takin a break!]

Alrighty....i'm not sure if I emphisized this but for the past 10 weeks, before I even came to the Naruto RP sim, I had been doing alot of custom work for the Akatsuki group I was in before, like *COUGH*Phantomshake's Kankuro mask's.*COUGH* No hate. lotsa love. <3

and a bunch of other stuff, and you know what I've noticed? last night, I couldn't stand up, and had to go to an emergency walk in clinic, the guy said my muscle's in my legs were in a state of sleepyness for not being used over an extensive period of time. because I had never learnt to say no, and I'm really too nice. o_o;

amongst that I have been suffering wrist pains, my attention span has hit the fan, my back pain has flaired up, and....yeah my legs are fucked up from sitting indian style for 8 hours at a time...@_@

well not really the muscles are just asleep and I need to wake them up, so tomorrow I wont be on SL, but offline IM me and if it's important i'll rush back on,

and I need to take a shower I smell like a damn corpse. >_<;
wouldn't do much harm to toss a giant crate of air fresheners in my room either.

I'm also going to be spending tomorrow making my brother reformat my computer.

now for sleep. sweet sweet sleep....now that my PMS week is over....WEWT.

Hurting anyone....killing myself inside.

What is this sickening feeling...in my soul....
[Koichi.....help me...]

I can hear her.....she told me not to hurt that Jounin...Kjinnay...
[you aren't going to overpower me!]

I stabbed him through the stomach....and when someone hunted me down. I demanded they took the antidote to my blade's stained elemental poison,

[Koichi-sama told me to be strong!]

I hear her voice....it's getting worse, and harder to hide her form within me, I am physicaly weak...but getting stronger, the next few days will be a constant struggle, as I am gaining better control. so is she, if I cannot....if I cannot withold her...then I will have to kill this physical form, let us just hope that there will be another weakling nearby that I can take,

[I'm alone....in the darkness....]

Forever.....

(OOC Talk: Dear sweet pony jesus, how could I forget this @_@ If anyone has seen the series Evangelion and I swear you must if you like drama and mental anguish anime serie's, and giant fighting mechs.

Okay to speak about that blue haired girl, that's the girl I toned and Defined Esune's torment and injuries from, as well as some of her mental anguish. Rei Ayamai, or...Ayanami or close to that anyways,

It turns out throughout the whole series Rei is very distrought, secretive, and then it is revealed she was actualy a clone of many, which explained how she lived after being exploded in her mech 50 times in the entire series, the series itself is quite short like most exelent series's are, but worth the watching,

So without further adeu here's the movie. <3)

Infuriating kids,the flustering Kinuta encounter!

(Pretty picture of Nemu near the cave, =D)


I find this week has been completely infuriating...
I was kept on watch duty, and what kind of Akatsuki am I!?
I let a couple of kids get the best of me and I got pissed off and went to the hot springs...where I was confronted by that annoying Kinuta man! he was so perverted I couldn't believe it...I was so hot under the collar from that steam...he...He violated my mouth! what the hell kind of greeting was that?


I swear...that Kinuta man...will get what's coming to him, his jaw sewn shut and his testicles removed!

or maybe...something worse...emotional torment! Hee heee....