Just smile.....

I hid near the waters...it did calm me down,

until Koichi came towards me...and told me to tell him my troubles...I hid my face, the best I could....I told him to run...and also asked if I had any bloodlust in my eyes....

I had a differen't kind of lust....among the bloodlust, but I cannot speak of that yet....

after my chat with him....I went to meditate in the hillside area,
I was lucky...Genins ran from the village to my location, Haruko lead them like sheep away,
also forcing me to move from my spot...I felt no bloodlust until I found another spot....

then Koichi found me again, wanting me to follow him out into the fields.
he wanted me to tell him what was going through my head....how could I?
I could only tell him half of the story.....the rest...that the bloodlust came from not being by his side....being surounded by pathetic young nins,

That I.....like Koichi-sama more then anyone else....and would give up anything for him...my life...my sight...my hearing....my voice....my body...my soul....touch and feel...as long as I could still feel his pressence,

hearing upon that I wanted to harm my fellow classmates and higher up nins....he put a Kunai into my hand...and dragged my hand across his arm until he bled.....I was so terrified....and I felt happy.....was it because he bled...or because he kissed me while he bled?

what caught me off guard....was he said...while slewing blood to the ground.....
"You will stay with me forever, Esune?"

did I say yes.....because I wanted it to stop....or because I wanted to keep going.....?

If I lacked emotions...would Koichi-sama like me more....it would be easier for me to be under his command.....even Koichi-sama's sister....said emotions can be a failure amongst the battlefield.....

When I look in the mirror now....in my white eye I can see the frail girl who is afraid to fail, afraid to lose the one she admires most.....in my other eye I can see the monster that wants to steal life and lust after the one I admire....

am I me....or am I a demon?

Koichi-sama said...he would cherish the false smile I gave him....

I promise...I will give him a real smile one day...

(OOC: I'm starting to put songs relevent to Esune in these posts just because I can ^-^)

Story of my life

Searching for the right

But it keeps avoiding me

Sorrow in my soul

Cause it seems that wrong

Really loves my company

He's more than a man

And this is more than love

The reason that the sky is blue

The clouds are rolling in

Because I'm gone again

And to him I just can't be true

And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful

And it kills him inside

To know that I am happy with some other guy

I can see him dying

I don't wanna do this anymore

I don't wanna be the reason why

Everytime I walk out the door

I see him die a little more inside

I don't wanna hurt him anymore

I don't wanna take away his life

I don't wanna be...A murderer

feel it in the air

As I'm doing my hair

Preparing for another date

A kiss upon my cheek

As he reluctantly

Asks if I'm gonna be out late

I say I won't be long

Just hanging with the girls

A lie I didn't have to tell

Because we both know

Where I'm about to go

And we know it very well

I don't wanna be...A murderer