Haunted....in every step....

I am lucky...today me and My brother Yoshiyuki....he took me shopping, and bought me what he told me was a minature dragon, they are very smart...he is writing this for me,

since I am now blinded by darkness...

I am afraid to take my eye bandages off...

for the past nights...I have tossed and toiled in sleep, and woke up drenched in sweat, my heart....my mind...hurting so badly...

why?

because every night is the same....the same nightmare...Paul and Hiro's betrayl...and Paul taking everything from my body that was important to me....
and that malicious grin....

every time I awoke...I felt emptier inside...like something...my own soul. was slipping away from me...I was...standing alone...on my thoughts...when I felt like I was being ripped from my body, before I knew it...I was standing next to...

Paul....and Shikasama stood between us...I couldn't speak...I couldn't move..I couldn't even think...I felt...so empty...I could look at Paul...he only smiled...and whispered to me "I hope...you still think of me...as your kind brother..who knows what could have happend if I left you with Hiro..."

I couldn't...believe what he said....if I was left with Hiro...what would have happend?

Paul abused my body...and beat me up...would have...Hiro done worse then that!?

Shikasama took me from him after Paul counted down, Koichi found me after I leapt over the wall, and Shikasama went back to Paul, wondering why I was blind....I couldn't tell him I tried to face the demon....and blinded myself with darkness...he left....so angry...

and again...I was slewn transported as if...standing behind my two brothers...was I some kind of bargining chip!?

I cried out in pain holding my chest..they...of course due to the bloodline...had complete control of me...I cried, through the bandages...Kjinnay-san took me from there....I held back my tears even though they soaked through the bandages....

Paul taunted Kjinnay for quite a while, until he carried me to his house, I showed him the mask....and then Shikasama came in...apologizing for not protecting me...and then he told me that he couldn't live in this village anymore...

There was nothing else he could have said that could have made me feel as guilty and drowned in sorrow as his words did,

If Kjinnay-san wasn't in the same room....after Shikasama left, I would have stabbed myself over and over with my Kunai...until I died...as an apology...to those I have hurt....if I wasn't here...Paul...and Hiro...Shikasama...I wouldn't be a burden anymore...

I just...want to leave this life...
this pain is unbarable...
I want to be by my brothers....and yet...all they would do is use me as a puppet..
I want to be near Koichi-san....yet I have to keep distance...I...unless I was stronger...and could be less cowardice...I doubt I would be any use to him....

I will keep my promises...until I can be awarded with death.....