Familiarize, the blinding white.

recently I had gone on my first mission....with Koichi-san.
to the snow country, to find out why there were no people,

of course I must have been a fool, my mind was not cleared of actions I made the night before....
the night before we left....I kissed Kenkora kun on the cheek....I guess that's my way of apologizing with playful banter....or did I feel lonly....was that it?

Even if I am with Koichi-sama....I feel like I am the only person standing there, I can reply to his words...but it feels strictly buisness....and everything has started to feel empty....I guess I did kiss Kenkora to feel like I was a real person....I honor and respect Koichi...and yet I have to respect my own feelings too...

into that mission Koichi disapeared from my sight......
when he did I felt so alone....like my mind was slipping away from me,
does he think I can honestly control this thing now....

I felt a little better when he sprung up, less better when he tackled me....

when we arrived at the cabin, I desprately wanted to ask him about Celenta Kinuta.....but I couldn't...
personal feelings on a mission....even though he told me the snow country reminded him of me....somehow I felt I couldn't believe it....so I changed the subject as I could to get my mind off it....

when I awoke only to leave with Koichi back to the grass village, I noticed he had injuries,
upon ariving near the Kinuta estate, he fell to the ground, with help from a fellow classmate....
and a few perverted mumbles from Koichi-san.
he awoke, we had a slight comical argument about him resting on my orders...me being of a less superior rank telling him what to do,

After that I noticed my skin was warm, and yet my bones felt cold, so I went to the hot springs,
I don't understand something...I've gotten taller...more profound....chestwise, My brothers bought me a new outfit today because I had outgrown my other outfit,

I've practiced smiling alot, even if I don't feel happy....it seems to work on my brothers, I hope this will work with Koichi....I still do not understand why he calls me "empress"....

so teams have been decided by the Keikage, she was a breathtaking remarkable woman, although I felt a horrid sense....but I shook it off hearing I was teamed up with Kenkora, and another student....and the Jounin, a strong woman I remarkaley remember as a powerful woman. Haruko, I most know her for hitting Kenkora with her ruler, and picking on him....

I wonder what Koichi thinks about his team?

No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to out run the males of the Kinuta house, like tracking dogs they are, finding my scent no matter how I mask it,

as I had laid in the hot springs hidden away from the village, as I looked over my limbs it was like them themselves were ageing past....I hear whispers in the little sleep I get that there is someone I have to grow up for, who that is....I do not know,

I will reffer to the warrior who whispers to me as Okami,

Tomorrow unless I am called on by someone, I will try and comunicate with Okami....
maybe it will help me understand what happend.....
and why he dislikes and mocks the Kinuta clan.

and why he forced me to bite Kenkora,
and disobey Koichi-sama....

so many questions....for now I will sit on these thoughts until sunrise.

I will get my answers.

(Edit: Fudge, 4 AM and I forget the lyrics. >-> well now I remember.)

[Evanescense - Call me when your sober]


Don't cry to me
If you loved me
You would be here with me
You want me Come find me
Make up your mind


Should I let you fall?
Lose it all?
So maybe you can remember yourself
Can't keep believing
We're only deceiving ourselves
And I'm sick of the lie
And you're too late

Don't cry to me
If you loved me
You would be here with me
You want me
Come find me
Make up your mind


Couldn't take the blame
Sick with shame
Must be exhausting to lose your own game
Selfishly hated No wonder you're jaded
You can't play the victim this time
And you're too late


So don't cry to me
If you loved me
You would be here with me
You want me
Come find me
Make up your mind

You never call me when you're sober
You only want it cause it's over
It's over How could I have burned paradise?
How could I - you were never mine


So don't cry to me
If you loved me
You would be here with me
Don't lie to me Just get your things
I've made up your mind